Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Teenage Hurricane.

My son doesnt like me very much at the moment, in fact he likes me so little we have decided he should go stay with his dad a few weeks while he gets a grip so to speak.

I wish someone had told me parenting a teen could be so damn hard espescially owithout a man in the house. I guess it wouldnt have made any difference I would have still gone ahead and produced offspring.

It is with mixed emotions I announce that my son passed his restricted drivers licence on Tuesday. While I am proud of him for getting it, it means there is now another level of fear I carry for his safety and wellbeing, now he can legally drive a steel death trap. This is rich I know coming from someone who rides a motorbike, but thats me, thats not my son.

So last night he says to me
"Mum I am just going to go up the road and put gas in the car" (his car which he share/owns with me until he has finished paying me for it) I was all "ok thats fine, be careful sweetheart"
Baring in mind this is the very first time he has driven this car without anyone, anyone being me as I am the one who has been giving him lessons, in the car with him and it is not the car he sat his test in, this car is older and not as easy to drive as the one he sat his test in. I have several cars.
Ok back to the story...
So off he drove to the gas station which is 5 minutes away...............and mother started waiting for his safe return immediatly.....................waited................waited..................waited..............After 40 minutes of waiting I was starting to get nervous and rang his friends place to see if he was there.....no they hadnt seen him, so then I got in the car and drove to the gas station and around the beachfront to look for him. This is after I had rung his cell phone 4 times and text him as well.

Finally as I am heading home 1 hour and 10 mins after he had left to get gas I got a text from him saying he was on his way home.
I arrived home and he had got there before me and as you can imagine I got out of my car and immediately was all " Where the hell have you been? Why didnt you text me or call me when you decided to go to your friends place? Do you not understand I have been sitting here worrying about you? first time, newly licenced, difficult car, yada yada yada" to which I got a very beligerent teenager giving me attitude and talking about having freedom. I asked for the car keys and told him at 17 he was not going to just dissappear without letting me know where, when what time etc. Well!!! he opened his mouth and I am sure at this point a demon had possessed him because the language was vile and the things he said and called me were vile. e.g effing b*tch, Effing take my keys away, eff off and leave me alone you effing b&tch why dont you shut the ef up.
Now I have had to tell him to mind his language a couple of times lately but this was like a torrent released. He was vicious and foul and nasty and I was shocked. I asked him on what level did he think he had the right to talk to me that way and got "dont know" in return. I tried to explain to him he was ONLY 17 and that he had a responsibility to let me know where he was and when he would be home, that he was still in my care and still a minor and that he need not think that because he could drive he was now a man who could do as he damn well pleased. Needless to say I got another earful of vile and by that point decided that as I pay the mortgage and the bills that I had a right to peace in my home and did not have to tolerate the abuse. I made him call his dad to come pick him up.

So I have peace in my home now and the car is locked in the garage and the keys are in my handbag.
The teenage hurricane will not be allowed back into the house until he understands the meaning of respect and can learn to talk without the foul language and that I am the mother and I STILL make the rules. Yes the rules can be negotiated to a point as he matures but I have final say without question and without abuse.

Give a boy a licence and a car and he thinks all of a sudden he is a man and invincible and above boundaries.

Not on my watch he aint!!!!!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Thanksgiving

It's not something we celebrated down here naturally but with my blogging friends, yes this is what I consider you, my friends whom I just havent met yet :-), celebrating thanks giving and blogging their thanks, and with having just spent a weekend doing not a heck of a lot but doing it with all the right people I thought I might add my thanks into the mix.
I am thankful for my family, Mum and Dad I didnt have for a long time but I had them for a great time. I am grateful that I had such a wonderful Mum and Dad.
My sisters, athough we dont keep contact and very rarely speak to each other, I am thankful they and their families are well and safe.
My friends, these are the stars in my life sky. My friends make me who I am, and each and every one of them is treasured beyond belief.
My son, my darling son, my world and the absolute centre of my universe even when he is driving me to drink. I am so grateful the powers that be gave me this child out of all I could have had.
And I am thankful for the man who has recently come into my life. He brings to it so many good things.

I have just had the most wonderful weekend and this has made me reflect on being thankful and maybe sometimes I need to stop and think about giving thanks.

It started Thursday night, I met a girlfriend after work we went to the mall, we dont do this often, maybe once a year, and we browsed the shops. She has recently met a man too so we discussed what we could get our guys for Christmas being as the relationships are new, we went into more menswear stores than womens clothing stores. That has to be a first ever lol. We just hung out together for a few hours, it was great, revitalising, refreshing. I love her to bits.

Then friday night my man came over with his overnight bag to stay the weekend. We watched movies and took his boy shopping and did some stuff for his mum and then cooked dinner and took the furkids (dogs) for a very long walk in the evening (holding hands :-D ) today while I valet my car he helped my boy put up some wall lining in the garage.
I really just had one of those weekends where nothing extraordinarily spectacular happened or was achieved but that everything felt right for me.
Contentment reigned supreme in my world this weekend.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Post Script

And my heart just broke all over again to read the 17 year old boy was an only child.

:( :( :(

A small place, a heart wrenching tragedy, a country cries.


Today I watched the 6 o'clock news when I got home from work, tears pouring down my face. Today a second explosion dashed any hopes that the 29 minors might have survived, some if not all, but now all hope is gone. On Friday here in New Zealand, our tiny little isand at the bottom of the planet there was a massive explosion in a coal mine on the west coast. The Pike River Mine.

Mining isnt a big thing here in New Zealand. It's not a huge export business, its a small thing, like we are, but in the last 5 days the entire country has held it's breath in the hope there might be survivors. It was a possibility, a slim one but we all held hope that we would have our miracle. We waited, we hoped, we prayed. Resuce teams were waiting for the all clear to go in, poised, ready, charged with bringing these guys back to their loved ones. Today before the gases had cleared sufficiently to send anyone in a second massive blast ripped through the mine, this one destroying all hope, no one will have survived this one.

We have heard all about one who was to be married in three weeks, one expecting a child in a month, fathers, brothers, son's. A son who passed his father in the mine shaft on his way in as his dad walked out after his shift. The one who had finished his shift but opted to do a couple of hours overtime and then the one who cut me to the quick.....

A 17 year old boy, his first day at work. My sons age. I cannot imagine how his parents feel, and can only begin to imagine how I would feel if it were my boy.

And so I sit here typing this with tears still pouring down my face and my heart breaking for the families of those twenty nine men.

We are a small country with a big sorrow today. Our heart weeps.


In memory of the 29 minors who have perished in the Pike River Mine 24/11/2010

May your souls find peace where ever that may be for you.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

5 down, 1 to go.

Ok so the teenager has managed to get through 5 exams and he has 1 left this thursday, History. To top it all off he also sits his restricted driving test on Dec 1, just to add to the pressure. I for one will be so pleased when it's all over and I can yell at him to clean his god damned mess up and pick up after himself again. Well no I dont look forward to the yelling but I have been trying very hard not to rock the boat while he is in the thick of exams and I swear he knows it too.
But I am over, I mean really really over the mess being left everywhere. It's not the study mess I mean, it's everything else that is just being dropped and left where it lies and the not bothering to even attempt his chores, I have mowed the lawns and unpacked the dishwasher and fed the hounds, all these things his chores but so as not to get into an argument about having to ask him to do it a dozen times and then get 'angus' at him when he doesnt do it and create stress, I have just done these things myself over the last two weeks. Now a gentle reminder to clean up his mess in the kitchen I met with attitude and I hate attitude from the teenager, it bugs the shit out of me that I get attitude when I ask him to clean up a mess he made himself, I mean its not like I asked him to cut of his left leg...or his right for that matter. Anyway thats my bleat for today.

On another note last friday I had a couple of friends over for a drink after work, wind down the week so to speak. New Guy called in and got to met some of my friends in a more conversational way. The girls liked him, the blokes like that he is an avid fisherman and a tradesman with handy skills lol.

Should I still be calling him New Guy when we have been exclusively dating for over 2 months already and he now has a toothbrush, a razor and deodorant at my place?


The pic is my first waterlily from my pond photographed today on my poxy old cellphone.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Drained teenager, sucked dry of anything comprehensible.


Bennyboy had his first year 12 level 2 NCEA exam yesterday, OK New Zealand exam system isnt particularly good in my eyes but who am I to judge. My Aunty picked him up after the exam and took him back to her place and fed him 4 pieces of toast and a tin of baked beans. He hoovered these down and promptly lapsed into exhausted slumber on her couch.

I picked him up at 5.30 and he slept in the car for the 25 min drive home. He then walked in the front door and collapsed onto the couch in the lounge and went back to sleep, in fact I am not sure he was actually awake when he walked from the car inside to start with. I took the furchildren (dogs) for a run on the beach. When I got back the teenager was still sprawled the length of the couch sleeping. I cooked steak potatoes and veges for dinner, he woke long enough to eat most of this meal but a few vege. I asked him would he like me to put them into an omelette for him with some cheese, a chessy vege omelette. This I did and he preceeded to hoover this down as well. It seems this refueled him for a while because I was parked on the back deck outside watching the sun set with a chilled glass of vino in hand talking to New Guy on the phone when teenager came out and plonked down beside me to engage in conversation. We talked, we laughed, we joked around. He told me about his exam, and the Physics exam he has today. He told me what Universities he wants to apply to next year. Selfishly I hope he gets accepted for his conjoint Science, Enginneering programme at Auckland Uni simply because that means he will live at home a little longer.

We have had our ups and downs in the last 12 months the teenager and I, I have found it very hard to be his mother at times and at times I have wished him living elsewhere, but last night, last night I told him how proud I was of him and that I loved the man he was becoming and that I love that we can sit and talk in the evenings like we do. He is growing up so fast and he wont be living with me for too many more years but man I am loving where we are right now.

There's something inexplicably poignant in that moment you are having a conversation with your child and you realise that you are no longer having a parent/ child conversation but a conversation with another adult.


The Picture...oh thats Ben sleeping on dining room chairs as per previous post.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Warst Won or rather Last One

Well last week I started my last paper. Economic Environment. Sounds tedious I know but its needs must as such. It's my last paper for my NZIM Dip Mgmnt so I am just wanting to get the bloody thing over and done with and out of the way. Feb next year it will be finished. Sounds like ages away but its not, its only 12 weeks or 3 months away, not long at all really.
I am looking forward to Christmas Holidays....yayyy 3 weeks off work to do nothing but everything I feel like doing. Knowing me the first couple of days will be sleeping, I seem to start my holidays with a big sleepathon over a couple of days and then hit the ground running for the rest of the time.

At present my Bennyboy is cramming for end of year finals, to the point he slept at the dining room table spread across a couple of chairs on saturday night...........why I dont know, the reason wasnt clear but I am not going to argue with him while he is working his tail off and worrying about exams. I will tolerate the mess of books and notes and paper everywhere because he is working so incredibly hard, even while his friends are meeting at the beach he is staying back with his nose in the books. I havent told him to study or given him any instructions or restrictions at all, he is just cramming off his own bat so all credit to him I say and I wish him all the luck in the world with his exams starting tomorrow morning and going over the next two weeks.

I feel for these kids sitting their finals, I remember the nerves and stress and scariness of it all from my school days.

So Good Luck to you all
Go Hard and Go True.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Pumpkins need dentures too.

Ok I couldnt resist taking these two photos to show even pumpkins get wrinkles and need dentures when they get old.





Hey at least I took the spider out of his mouth before I took the photos. Big plastic one, not a real one. He was trying to gum it to death I think. lol

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Back Down to Earth...THUMP! and in flys Dynamo Guy to the rescue.

But not in a bad way just the buzz of the party is now a memory but a great one non the less.

Dynamo Guy as I will call the New Guy in my life came to my party, well he turned up many many hours early to lend a hand to decorate and assist with preparations. Now can I say this guy is a human Dynamo, he is organised and efficient and well,... organised and I am not, so it was great having this person there. Everything got done and done well. He laid out the clues for the kids treasure hunt although I confused his ass at one point so he had to start again and may I say he was very patient with me about it.
Then when people started arriving he lit the BBQ and BBQ'd up a storm during the evening and I could see all these people standing there whispering "who is this guy? where has he come from and what hasnt She told us" Anyway Dynamo Guy was wonderfully brave facing all my friends enmass and kept me sane throughout the night and made good impressions on the Aunty who is matriarch of the family. Then to make matters worse he helped clean up and pack up the next day...ok too good to be true, I am waiting for some criminal past / really bad trait to manifest. How can anyone be so damn nice and helpful and complimentary and respectful and sweet and lovely, something has got to be wrong here or maybe I am just so jaded I look for the bad when things are going so well. He loves fishing , he rides motorbikes, he has a good job and loves his family and has friends he has known for 30 + years. He seems stable and good natured and lots of other good things, he told me he loves spending time with me and I inspire him with all my study and abilities to use powertools, he says he has never met a girl like me, one who is so capable (most guys find my ability to use a skill saw threatening) ........... and he treats me like a princess.
I need to stop the paranoia and looking for the bad stuff because its not healthy for me to be all ....HUH!! I told you so! I told you I would find something bad and then I will blow it out of proportion and it will turn into this insidious monster riding my mind.
Time to just go with the flow and stop looking for monsters I think.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

To Partay with ghosts and ghouls

Setting up the Garage


The tub was filled with Ice for the beers and wine to keep it cold. Bones was the beer guardian.

Lisa checks out the Bondi Lifeguard


Jack shares his little pumpkin of treasure with his new friend Bones.




The Tool Guys.




The biggest kids smile for the camera.



Lisa find Ariel after ditching the lifeguard. (Ariel is my sons best mate ??) Check out Cam's Clams lol.



My son has had his hands duct taped to beer bottles. Was hilarious when he needed to take a leak and no one would help free his hands lol.


Morticia Addams hands out the cauldrons and pumpkins of Treasure at the end of the hunt.



Kids at play. They kept the adults amused for hours with their antics and parents had trouble getting them to leave later in the evening.



The younger ones hanging over the back fence watching the teens playing rugby.


A few pics from Halloween, the little kids had a blast, the teens had loads of fun and the adults enjoyed watching it all happen. A great time had by all. :-)

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Just quickly







Especially for Lemon Gloria....

My first ever carved pumpkin...

lmao @ me I cut the hole in the bottom....oops

Will be sitting on the gate post greeting visitors tomorrow night.

Someone said didnt look scarey as more maniacally happy crazy happy pumpkin ....

P.S maybe the bottle of red wine had something to do with the crazy happy look the pumpkin ended up with.....
For the weekend Happy Halloween everyone xxx

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The fish, oh the fish and Labour Weekend Holidays



Oh my, we just had the first real summer weekend, long weekend of blazing hot sun that was just gorgeous and hot and wonderful and sunburny.

I managed to get my boat out on the water for the first time this season.......twice. Ben and I went fishing on Saturday and then I took a friend and his son with Ben and I on Monday morning for a wee jaunt. There were no fish biting on Monday but instead we had a pod of about 30 dolphins swimming around the boats and playing in the water behind us. What a fantastic sight they were leaping around in the wake of the boats and having fun. Next time I will remember the camera.

Saturday Ben and I got up at 6.30 am and took the boat out into a beautiful molten glass like sea, a stunning morning and we caught a few lovely Schnapper for dinner that night and some for another night.

It was great to get out on the water again. I understand the call of the sea although I have no desire to spend days/weeks/months on a boat. I am happy enough whizzing around with the teenagers in tow behind the boat or just out to my fav fising spot for a few hours or exploring the islands and coastline.

Summer has arrived :-D

Monday, October 25, 2010

cautious me

I met a man the other day. Well no actually I met him back in July online, and then I met met him in the beginning of September. I had talked to him online for a couple of monhs but he lived in Sydney Australia although he was moving back to New Zealand. Anyhow a couple of weeks after he got back to NZ we arranged to meet for coffee or in my case Tea. We seemed to get along well and in reality talked as easily as we had online, we both have teenage sons who live with us, we both love fishing and being out on the water. Conversation is easy with him and so is the silence, and thats the telling part.
I could go on endlessly about his so far good points and how wonderful he seems to me, but I wont at this point. All I will say at the moment is I have shut my online profile down.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Its all about me and Halloween Parties.







And today this post really is all about me. An update on my wee world.

I have lost 4kgs Yayayaya not because of the Gym because I had to stop going but because I am walking and being very careful what I shovel through the gaping maw which is my mouth lol.

Yes I am happy to say I have kickstarted the regime to a healthier me and it has finally starting picking up speed.

My hernia has it's good days and its bad days, they are slowly becoming more good than bad and this is probably due to the food regime and the weightloss so I am pleased about that too. Now all I need to do is get on top of my stress levels and I will be great , dangerously so in fact.

I have an assignment due in a weeks time that I need to spend some urgent attention on but damned if I can get enthused about this right now as I am planning my Halloween Party.

Its gonna be great I have increased the decorations on last year so I not only have 2 metre tall zombie sillouettes but a skeleton in an old bathtub that will be filled with ice for the beers and drinks etc.
I have plastic eyeballs to float in the fruit punch and severed hands to hold the bowls of chip dip. Spiders and webs and pumpkins and witches and cats and all manner of gruesome decorations and props. I am also having a treasure hunt for the younger ghosts and ghouls. The yard will don its Halloween attire resplendant in its tombstones and skulls etc and I even have a big picture of a skeleton sitting on the dunny reading the paper to hang on the toilet door so people know its the toilet lol. I will have to make sure this year I get lots more pictures for my FB page.
Ghouly food will abound and costumes will delight, well I hope so anyway.

Everyone does Christmas parties to death so my annual 'do' is halloween, its much more fun.





















Sunday, October 10, 2010

Jafa's Corner,No fluff here today

J.A.F.A

Non New Zealanders might wonder what this means down here in the antipodes.

Just Another F*&^ing Aucklander is the take on it down here.

But in Auckland things are shifting, changes are afoot, we are becoming a Super City.

Now I looked up on web Dictionary what the definition of a Super City is...



Su-per-cit-y

Pronounced [soo-per-cit-ee]

1. a larger, heavily populated area that includes several cities; megalopolis

2. a very large city

All very dissapointing really apart from the word megalopolis which sounds somewhat like a dinosaur name really.

Picture Terry Prachetts tortoise with a world on its back [discworld] and transfer image to a dinosaur with a city on its back perhaps.

Auckland is a good dinosaur, it lives in the past far too much, it hasnt moved forward when it should have. Our roading infrastructure belies describing it is so far behind the times, with a railway only just creeping out into the suburban areas and buses that cost more to get to work in and for me at least 3 changes of bus to get to work, than it does for me to drive my car each day.

20 years ago they suggested a Tunnel under the Harbour to aleviate the traffic problems from the North Shore each day. Just recently the work on this has started. Suffice to say past Mayors have made some good, viable, even ahead of their time suggestions, but Auckland with its stuffy Aunt, over bearing, risk averse culture has vetoed them all only to have them resurface and be heralded as great ideas many years later.

The CBD is a mish mash of old and new buildings that neither compliment each other nor could be called eclectic, its just really a thoughtless souless mash of structures that hurts the eyes to look at.

So now we have voted in a new Super City Mayor. Will he be the vibrant, forward thinking, driven, visionary with the oomph to push ideas through the beaurocracy and red tape.

So Mr Len Brown, this is your mantle for the next few years, Mayor of the new Super City. Getting the people through the changes, the bedding in the new reforms etc. We are watching you carefully Mr Brown. You have the right ideas and ideals but will you be different and actually follow them through so they are not the hollow election promises we are so used to.

Lets build us a Megalopolis we can be proud of both here and offshore that will have any Tyrannosaurus Rex trembling in its prehistoric boots.

Lets take Auckland Megalopolis / Super City into the future and boldly go where no city has gone before or at the very least can we at least catch up to the other megalopolises.

Aside from all this I do love Auckland a lot because she has huge potential and on her good days she shows a bit of soul.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Return to Sender......

Ok so since my last post I have been busy busy, trying to get a reasearch paper done and my CEO resigned suddenly and I got given some extra tasks as a result of the job reviews of which the one actual work friend I was close to here at work, took offence and felt that as she had the title manager they should have come to her and so I got dumped on and informed from now on she would only converse with me as a professional and collegue and no longer as a friend. Ouch!!
I was gobsmacked and more than a little dissapointed by her attitude. I can understand she is unhappy, she is very much a status person and maybe felt that this impinged on her status as several of the tasks she would be under my delegation, but to haul me into a room and toss her toys out of the cot at me and then say the friendship is over 2 seconds after giving me a t-shirt she brought me back from San Fransico (she had just spent a month travelling overseas with her partner) I feel is a bit raw.
Do I politely giver her back the T-shirt and say that I cannot accept it as I feel it has not been given with the same intent it was bought for me in light of her discussion with me yesterday?
Or do I just shove it in the bottom drawer here at work , because I know that I will never wear it now. To me it symbolises the dissolving of what I considered a friendship.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Cramming and Slamming


Pah! another assignment due today and typical of me leave the bulk of it till the last moment.

I refused to work on it yesterday, yesterday I turned 45 and I am stuffed if I was going to spend my birthday doing an assignment lol.

Instead I got my eyebrows done, and had lunch with my Aunty and wasted time, it was great.

I am on my second to last paper and can see the light at the end of the study tunnel..Feb next year it will all be over rover and I will have some semblence of a life back that will involve lots of going out and enjoying myself and not getting any sleep due to said hectic social life instead of not getting any sleep cause I am fretting over exams, assignments and studying.

I have become incredibly adept at banging out a 2000 word essay or report with minimal prep. This actually scares me because if I settled into something and actually applied myself to capacity I could be a rocket scientist or something equally astounding maybe.

Instead I was gifted with the attention span of a knat so my focus shifts incredibly easily and swiftly. If I am bored there is no keeping me interested at all and by the time you have found something that might be interesting I have moved on and am 50 miles aways figurativly speaking. This is why my school reports always said "Joanne needs to learn to apply herself and stop distracting others".

I have done many things in my 45 years to date,
I have my open water advanced diving ticket. I no longer dive
I have my Boat Masters Ticket, own a boat so I guess thats still relevant.
I have raced an outlaw dirt track car, dont anymore
I have raced motorbikes (beachracing) dont anymoe
Competitively rode horses, dont any more
Hold NZ textile certificates...dont work in textiles
Hold a diploma in fashion design. Dont work in the fashion industry
Have done numerous accounting papers, will never be an accountant.
Several Psychology papers, still messed up and could not be anyones therapist lol.
Belly dancer......yeah dont do that anymore either.
Ceroc Dancing...not anymore
and a plethora of other dance and hobbie and study things throughout the years, but nothing has held my interest for long enough to be a continual thing.

It's like once I am able to do something it loses its appeal to me.
Focus to me is a vehicle Ford released a few years ago.

Oh yeah the picture is my wonderful Dad, my older sister and me about 42 years ago :-)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Jennifer Kathleen Whittingham (Jennie)






















"We sit here and remember about all the days gone by.
About the growing love we shared, the sparkle in your eyes.
The way you held us close to you with hugs so full of love,
But then your life ended, taken by the one above.
Now we feel an ache in our hearts,
An ache no one can save
And the teardrops that fall from our eyes,
Wet the flowers that lie on your grave."


14 Years ago today. Age 54
I love you Mum and miss you every single day.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Happy Birthday Bennyboy








17 years old today and you are the single most wonderful thing in the world to me. I remember the night you were born and how we both had moments that scared the bejesus out of the surgeons. Still we made it both of us, and that my son is something I am thankful for every day of my life.




Happy Birthday my boy.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Bikes, Pods and HCM Guy

Combination update on the menu today.
Day 4 at the gym today and I felt like a cop out so I added another 5 mins to my treadmill and my bike and did 50 stomach crunches and 2 sets of 12 leg raises, you know that killer where you lie on your back on the floor and raise your legs and lower them so they are just about touching the floor but arent and then raise them again. By the time I had done 2 sets of those my secret agent under cover abs were screaming at me. I felt good and tired after the workout though which makes me feel like I have actually done something constructive. I hate walking out of the gym all springy and bouncy like I havent worked hard enough.

Second item on the agenda is my podmate has been relocated. Here at work we are in an open plan office with pods of 4 staff in some cases more, well because I sit outside the CEO's door guarding him I dont actually have a pod as such but in the pod next to me were the Business Services team including the lovely Bernadette who is the one person here who shares my sense of humour most of the time though sometimes I still manage to shock her lol. Well they have reloacted to the other side of the building so now she is no longer in hollering distance or handy to call in on the way to getting a cuppa. That sux because if I wander over the other side to chat I kinda feel like I am loitering with intent, which of course I am but I dare not loiter too long in case people stare.

Third item is date number 5 with HCM guy (Hot Chocolate Movie Guy). He cooked me dinner and we watched the rugby game on TV. Dinner was lovely, spag bol every mans easy dish but still very nice and a couple of bottles of good red wine. Some very interesting conversation about internet dating and how its not him as he finds it all quite false and this is why he has pulled his profile off the site. He said although he had met several ladies they all turned out quite different from the profiles they had online. On hearing this I looked him straight in the eye and said
"And me?" Because of course I am not afraid to ask these things.
To which I got told I was in another league althogether and I was everything I represented myself to be and more, in a good way. Which was nice to hear.
Like me he doesnt understand why people make themselves out to be something they are not and to what end they hope lying makes themselves more attractive. They will always be found out, always. Anyway all in all it was a lovely night.
So 5 dates and some very open and honest conversations and a lot of laughter. I am liking this guy. He is cute and funny and makes me laugh and is a good kisser. But like making cheese, good things take time so I am in no rush.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I have a job

What more can I say?
Tears of utter relief anyone?
I have them by the bucket full.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Back to the Future....




Many many lifetimes ago, well not that many only about 6 years ago to be precise, I used to go to the Gym. Regularly. Like every day for about 2 hours 6 days a week. I stopped and the spillage happened, I spillaged about 30 odd kilos into my short 5ft 3 inch frame and now I suffer from the effects of obesity. My boobs became massive and to compensate so I didnt fall forward while walking around, my caboose increased in size to counter balance the outfrontage. My body became a secret agent, it was undercover, lots of cover. So the moral of this story isnt this but if a guy tells you you dont need the gym and you are gorgeous and then preceeds to inflict such misery on your life you eat and drink and damn near loose your sanity to cope with it....dont believe the lying SOB cause he loves the fact only that you are dumb enough to be with him.

I am a fatty! I am short and fat and this needs to not be so. I am 45 next week and I dont want to die at 46 like my dad did. (He wasnt fat but he had a heart problem) but none-the-less I am a walking or rather waddling timebomb.

So I am making a public statement here in the hope that going public is going to somehow flick the switch in my brain, the stickability switch. You see I often have all good intentions but get bored so very easily and I wander off to something new. Now last time I was gymming I was intense, I loved it, it was great , the routine of coming home from work dropping everything grabbing a text book-studying- and heading to the gym to workout (read the text book while on the bike etc) I got into the groove of it, it didnt take long and I had dropped a lot of weight and didnt look too bad, I will always have curves but these were dangerous curves not damn mountains.

I have a gym in the basement at work and a personal trainer on reception some days, so I have no excuse, no gym fees and Maree to make sure I am doing what I should be. Yesterday the lovely Maree took me through my programme for the first time, today I have come to work with my gym bag packed and ready to go. I am going to record progress on here along with my dating debarcles lol.

Day one: 44 yrs old, 99kg and totally hating what I let myself become.

Tomorrow I will have done my first real workout in a few years to which I will have made myself feel marginally better for having done it. The trick from then on is to not get down on the long road ahead and to keep going and get into the routine and keep it moving. I have a bloody long way to go but if you look at what I was and what I am, what I was, is where I want to be again. That's about 30kg ago.

And so begins the journey to health and happiness in who I am.

Monday, August 2, 2010

To be or not to be.........employed

Ok things are pretty damn screwed up at the moment. We are currently undergoing job reviews at work and the review was supposed to be finished by July 23 then was pushed back to July 30 and then again.......I kid you not....to August 5 it means this entire last two months I have been keeping a smile on the dial and trying to stay upbeat and get on with life when the entire time I have this gigantic rat knawing at my gut and tying my innards into knots that means I am not sleeping and eating far too much crap being an emotional eater that I am.
The fact that I could possibly not have a job in a months time and I have a whopping mortgage to pay and a teenager to raise causes me huge amounts of heartburn lately.
I am angry at this whole proccess, it is bad enough to be going through it but to have these dates pushed out not once, but twice, to me is totally unaceptable and unprofessional. These are people they are playing with. 10 of us to be exact, who have families and mortgages and babies etc and they keep us dangling like sausages in a butchers window. We are by no means a large company and the administration staff number 10 including myself as exec to CEO and the Office Manager so this is having a very noticable effect on the Admin staff, moral is so low and all of us are anxiously chewing our bottom lip. I guess the wait is almost over and the pain in my gut is unbearable right now and not just for me but for all of my collegues going through this horrible thing. I hate waiting for results etc especially ones that are potentially badly life changing. My head hurts constantly and worry and anxiety cloud my thinking and my ability to be sociable with others, the rat in my gut knaws and knaws every hour of every day while I try to find something to distract me even for a little while but it sits in the back of my mind like an insidious little maggot.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Monday be mine. Or nobody told me we needed to get potatoes!

I want to own you instead of you owning me. I am tired of waking up feeling great and being hit in the face FWAP! by a monday as I walk downstairs.

Oh for anyone who actually reads this drivel (notice I used the correct terminology) friday nights date with HCM guy went well. I still think he is a nice guy and he still has a sense of humour and I try not to over analyse things but gee sometimes I just do. Meanwhile watch this space I guess.

Monday, chaotic, hectic, frantic, just really a nasty trick being played after a lovely relaxing weekend spent walking the beach with beloved aunty and her furball dog and hanging out with my teenage son on one of those occasions we actually get along so well the entire weekend is just loads of fun and good conversation and marvelling at the way he can talk to me about all kinds of stuff and trust me with all kinds of information.

My niece was having her first Art Exhibition this weekend and so I took the teenage son to view said artworks, knowing that some of it was quite expilicit but thinking he was mature enough to get it or at least not giggle at the sight of some rather 'arty' stuff. The exhibition was in conjunction with two other artists and all three of them work really well together in that their work compliments the others and bounces off eachother well together. It was abstract, it wasnt paintings it was stuff, thoughts , feelings, textiles and textures, naughty things all mashed in together in an entire room of works completely covering the walls No space free here folks.

If you go to an exhibit wanting to discuss, colour, form and light, this was not the exhibition for you. This is raw, young adult angsting and fun and feelings and testing of boundaries. Some of it shock value and in amongst the plethora of works was a pretty piece of pink fabric cross stitched in pink, barely readable, with the words 'It's ok mum. I am fine. It's only art' To me that said it all. These guys cut a raw edge with their work and push limits and boundaries and had some stuff that would maybe make you question their state of mind, that is if you didnt know them. It was clever, it was thought provoking. It was insightful and real.

I walked around the room about 6 times and everytime something new showed itself to me. I loved it, it was revealing and refreshing and I especially loved the way my son soaked it in, he read, he looked , he did the occasional double take, he laughed, and he made some surprising comments to me about different things. The thrill of watching your child take in something new never ceases believe me. It was like this when I took him to the Monet and Impressionists exhibition.

Anyway Monday still sucks.

Monday, July 19, 2010

A second date, would you like a hot chocolate with that?


Well, the hot chocolate movie guy (HCM) Guy, we went out on a second date last friday.
It could potentially have been a disaster as we had arranged to met in Sale St a bar in the CBD which is sort of halfway between our respective homes. Traffic was abysmal, I called him at one point to say I was still at least an hour from the venue, he said it was fine his ex was caught in traffic and hadnt picked the kids up yet anyway.
45 mins later he called to say the kids were still there and it looked like he was going to be very very late what did I want to do? I figured I am on the motorway so may as well head up closer to his place and meet somewhere up that way. He felt bad about me driving all that way but sounded pleased I hadnt suggested we call off the date.
So we met at GPK on the North Shore, nice place, I sat in the bar by the fire while I waited for 'HCM guy' to arrive. Half a glass of red later he walked in the door scanning the room anxiously [ I think he was worried I might have given up and gone home]. So we enjoyed another glass of red...this guy used to work in the wine business so he knows his stuff and doesnt skimp on wine. Anyhoo during the course of this glass and conversation in bounced his houseguest, a friend relocating from down south due to work. We shared woodfired Pizza and a bottle of very expensive red wine and then the friend left and we continued conversation and finished off the wine.
The time had come.........I was making noises about heading home and 'HCM guy' invited me back to his for a hot chocolate, now I know this all sounds a bit dodgy but it really is not.
I followed him back to his place wondering if maybe I should be doing this but then thought FFS I am 44 years old I am sure this will be fine, and it was, his house guest made himself scarce when we got there and HCM guy made us both a hot chocolate and we sat and watched part of a movie while we drank and talked a bit more.
Ok by 11.45pm I was starting to fade after having a busy day and what was over a 2 hour drive in totally crap traffic to get to the date earlier in the evening, topped off with a couple of 3 glasses of very nice wine, it was time to leave. So I did. I put on my coat, thanked him for a lovely evening and for dinner and the hot chocolate. I got a split second kiss, the kind that if you blink you will miss it and off I drove into the night with the instruction to text when I had arrived home safely. It took me 40 mins to get home which is about right.
Turns out [in a later text] he wanted to give me a proper kiss good night but had a sore throat and didnt want to share his bug. So two dates down and "the kiss" hasnt happened but that is not a bad thing because after leaping in boots and all with the last boy I am more than a little cautious this time. Once bitten twice shy and all and I am happy just to hang out and get to know this guy first before I open any shutters on the butterflies.
It did make me feel good the other night when he rang and asked when he could see me again and could he cook me dinner this friday.
He cooks, his house is tidy, he is intelligent, he laughs out loud, he is positive, he is driven, and he has a sense of humour and most of all he seems happy to go at my pace.
This could be the start of something good.

Now I have a question to ask.
With things seemingly progressing along with HCM movie guy, do I continue to date other men until something happens or something is said about exclusiveness or is that a bit 'on the nose' Part of me says no I shouldnt I should be concentrating on only HCM guy, but part of me says if it all falls over and things stop progressing I havent cut off other possibilities if I continue to see others. What would your take on it be?

Monday, July 12, 2010

And the beat goes on.


Ok Bachelor number three turned out to be about 15 years older than his photo , with it seems no sense of humour which one does definately need to associate with me. Crossed off the list. Met another one for coffee...yeah nah!

Are my standards too high maybe I wonder? No I dont think so.

Last weekend must have been the weekend for catching up with ex's. I dont have a lot of them but a couple I have remained friends with after we have parted company.

Last weekend I caught up with one I havent seen for about 6 years for a drink on friday night, he hasnt changed. He is still a madman with hair longer than mine and by that I mean its down past his waist. Hair a girl would kill for. I dont date guys with hair longer than mine I decided back then and since friday have reiterated that statement to myself.

Saturday I had a couple of offers but decided to put a pot of mulled wine on the fire and stay in and watch the James Bond Movie instead. It was cold out and I wanted to be lazy.

Sunday I had brunch with another ex whom I was very very enamoured of when we were together but sadly his drinking created problems for us me not being such a big drinker and him being an every night drinker. We catch up regularly and I still look at him and think about the great times we had when he was sober, We spent a lot of time out on our motor bikes touring here and there for lunch and coffee and coastal rides etc and many hours debating current affairs and watching the history channel on sky tv. Nerdy I know but he was one I could really get into discussions with, we were on the same page a lot of the time.

Sunday After brunch I spent in my vege garden its huge and picked Cauli, brocolli, beets, spinach, silverbeet, and Kholrabi for dinner that night which was very yummy and I so love my veges but alas I wasnt to get to enjoy them that night. I got a message from a someone I have been corresponding with saying

"hey lets met and go to a movie tonight"...so I called him back and we decided the 6.30pm movie looked good. It was 5.10pm at this stage and it takes me 35-40 mins to get to the theatre so I was a whirlwind of shower, dress, makeup, ring the Aunty to let her know I have a date, she lives vicarously through me and loves my dating regime, it keeps her entertained for hours lol.

SSooooo anyway I get there 5 mins before the movie starts hoping like hell this guy isnt a total creepo, txt him and let him know I was by the doors and he comes bouncing around the corner with a huge grin looking all cheeky and cute and I am thinking thank god he is smiling thats a good start. People who take themselves seriously all the time I can do without in my flitter fluttery world.

We laughed during the movie, out loud, which is great because so many chuckle but dont actually laugh in case someone hears them, god forbid. I dont, I laugh, laughing is great fun. Then afterwards we went to a cafe and he bought me a hot chocolate and a chocolate afghan biscuit....it was a very cold evening. Talked for ages over our chocolate and then he escorted me to my car and asked if we could meet again when he is back from his business trip at the end of the week.

All in all a lovely evening, glad I decided to go. A very nice guy so far so we will see what happens. We are meeting for a drink after work on friday this week. Watch this space.........

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Bachelor Number 2..... If you were taking a lady out to lunch.......

Of which he didnt. I got a last minute cancellation because he had a meeting with his Boss. Flick off or truth??? you decide.
Batchelor Number 3 who wasnt on my current list but someone I spoke to a few months ago who liked what I said about where I lived so much he decided to check the place out and loved it so much he bought a house in the neighbourhood........stalkerish or what?? Called last night to say he has moved in , got all settled in and would I like to catch up for a drink.....So thats tonights agenda.
A drink at the local pub at the local marina, because I live by a Marina of course.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Behind Door Number One...


Uh huh, met the first of the date list.......in the funniest situation ever but I have to give the guy kudos for having balls. Bear with me and you will see why.

On Monday night my girlfriend whom I have known since I was 13 and I went to see 'Train' in concert. As it was not far from my work we decided to meet at a local pub, have a bite and a wee drink and then head on over to the venue. I had purchased 3 tickets and while we thought we had a third person joining us,on the morning of the concert he bailed .....so anyway my friend and I are sitting at the pub chatting, we are both single and using the same dating site...........it was bound to happen wasnt it?!! We compared notes and discovered one of the guys is talking to both of us..........que hilarious laughter at the same lines he is using on both of us. Ok so having had a drink we decided this could be all a bit of time to have some fun.
Out comes the cell phone and said guy "Freddie" is called by moi, who chatted politely for a minute then passed the phone over to my friend who also chatted politely to a very embarrassed "Freddie" , then taking it further and having a spare ticket we say to him, spare ticket here do you want to see this concert with us tonight? He was a very brave, or stupid man because he said yes.
Anyhoo "Freddie" arrived at the pub and as planned beforehand both my friend and I stood up and gave him a peck on the cheek simultaneously, he went bright red and you could see the poor wee souls mind spinning. Much laughter by my friend and I and much blushing and stammering from Freddie ensued. Gotta give the man credit for even turning up, his flatmates had told him he was taking his life in his hands.
We all went to the concert and had a great time, poor "Freddie" looked slightly nervous all night however and he text us both on his way home with the same line yet again ...which made my friend and I laugh even harder at this poor guy as we were on our phones laughing about the whole scenario at the time. I think he had hoped during the course of the evening he was going to get to live some kind of male menage `a trois fantasy. Silly man!
Ok so my friend and I have no interest in "Freddie" at all but it made for a fun story and the concert rocked. I think I might wait for Pat Monahan to divorce his wife and come looking for me now anyway.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Brokering World Peace.

So, back on the dating scene am I. Had a couple if interesting ones, had a couple of truely awkward moments and had some who havent even got off the screen into real life and never will.
No keepers yet! Although one who seemed very sweet by daylight....we walked our dogs on the beach together and he held out his hand to help me over the slippery rocks, such a gentleman, turned into a somewhat beer swilling maniac by night on the second date and then offered the information he drinks too much and this has caused problems in past relationships...........oh great! Why send a cute guy who seems so sweet and lovely, and then slap that into the mix.....thanks universe!!!!!!!
One would think that if you know you do it, and it does get in the way, you would make some effort to STOP!!!

Right now this is what is on offer for me in the way of "lets meet!!" over the next week or so.....

1. A Dr from Jordan.
2. A sweet looking Argentinian Boy who is 17 yrs younger than me. Roarrrr @ me a cougar,too funny
3. An English lad
4. One who says he is Persian but I think he's Indian , whatever!!
5. A Frenchman who is 5 years younger than me....(really this cougar thing is a bit much)
6. An Aussie Bloke (good keen men Aussies) lol
7. A dutch guy (not going to happen)
8. A good old hometown kiwi boy 5 years younger than me (again whats with the young ones wanting to meet me???)

And well I thought maybe I could start a new UN with this lot and broker world peace as an outcome.
So this is me teeing up my social calendar for the next week or so. I havent been this busy since I was ....well much much younger than I am now lol.

All this means I am going to be very coffee'd or in my case tea'd or Wined out by the end of this round.
Still I must not complain when World Peace is at stake. Yeah!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Cinderella wants her Slipper back






Oh My oh my. Senior school ball time over the weekend. My gorgeous son wanted to wear all black and picked out the fabric for mum to make his tie, then it was all "oh mum I need one of those matching pocket hankie thingy's too please. So ok Damn! suit hire is expensive at School Ball time, and there was new shirt, socks and dress shoes of course because when your son lives in jandals , sneakers or soccerboots there is just no need for swanky smart shoes. I owe my wallet an IOU.



So anyway there is Benny all gussied up and looking every bit his age and more and there's mum in the corner with a tear in her eye cause her little man isnt anymore but boy oh boy! he looked so smart.




Normally I dont get to see this, I get the smelly manky soccer gear, jeans that should have been washed a month ago and a bedroom that is a swamphole. To see him all dressed up was lovely. To see the photos taken on the night of all the fun and revellry, even better. Until I got to the 'afterball' party photos. Oh me Oh my.... mum sat there and said not a thing...........I was too damn busy scrapping my jaw off the floor lol. Still it wasnt so bad and he is after all 17 and a boy and there are some things a mum just doesnt need to be so aware of no? ANyway here is Ben looking very smart, and here is on the way to the afterball function.....take note this is on the way to, you dont want to see the pictures from the actual event itself. lol.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

All Sunshine and Happiness and little Babies


I went to a Naming Ceremony yesterday. Good friends who live across the road. Their first child and she is the most happy, adorable wee thing. As I stood there listening to Emma's parents pledge their love and support for the rest of their lives it struck me that they were embarking on a journey I started 17 years ago when my son Ben was born. I drifted back to the first moment I held my son after a long and difficult birth that caused some amount of panic at the maternity wing of the hospital and my eyes teared up because I can remember so vividly the awe and wonder and overwelming love I had for this tiny wee thing I held. Right there listening to my friends and watching the people around them who had children at the ceremony, I saw every single Mum and Dad either reach out and put a hand on their child or seek them out with a look that was filled so obviously with the crystal clear memory of their arrival. I watched as Mums and Dads glanced at each other and shared a secret smile, both remembering that magical moment in their lives and I saw Dads take hold of Mums hands and put their arms protectively around their partners waists. I watched a group of people for a moment in time, all flash back to a moment in their lives when it all began for them. The journey of parenthood.
17 years later for me and I have a son who every day in his life does me proud. He works hard to achieve his goals and has the determination and drive to succeed at whatever he desires.
As any parent knows it's not a path of roses and honey but its a path that exceeds all others in satisfaction. Every step they take, every achievement they have and every slip up they make is woven into our hearts with a gossamer thread that is so strong it will never break. Every heartbreak and dissapointment they suffer, we feel it. They are an individual but an intangible extension of us.
So 17 years on my darling son, my heart still bursts with love for you, and although we dont always agree on things I love the adult you are becoming and see in you a young man who takes his responsibilities seriously and who will learn by any mistakes made. I am proud of you and of who you are. You are to me simply the best person in the world!
I still want you to clean up that swamp hole you call a bedroom!!
I love you Ben.



Monday, March 22, 2010

Just walk away

Thats what I say, let it go, just walk away. Whenever someone tries to wind me up and upset me. I say it to myself but dont always manage to walk away quick enough to be honest, but this time, this time I think I have done it, I closed a door yesterday which has let the sunshine back into my life after so many months of black clouds looming. It felt good to do it, I dont know why I didnt do it sooner to be honest. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I spoke words and wrote down what I needed to to purge myself of the last vestiges of the insidious thing that dwelled in my person and I let go. I watched it float away like a silk scarf floating down a cliff face. It wasnt a harsh tear or a drop it was a gentle relaxed floating, moving beyond my fingertips with no hope of clawing it back and clinging to the pain a little bit longer wrapping the misery around me like a blanket. It went peacefully leaving me feeling good and light.
I am back. That which suffocated me is gone now. My smile is real and no longer hides constant worry, its real.
This past weekend being the Autumn Equinox was a good time to clear out that which no longer serves a purpose. A celebration to spring clean the heart and soul and welcome balance back into my life.
A saying I read. ' I now know that for every dark night of the soul a new sunrise will be there in the morning' Fitting I feel.

2010 is going to be a great year. Yes it started on a less than wonderful note but already skies have cleared.

This year I have holidays booked both local and overseas, some of them big trips of which I am really looking forward to. I look forward to them all in fact. I love getting away and sharing the holidays with friends is the best fun ever.

What are your plans for the year? What is 2010 shaping up to be like for you?

Monday, February 22, 2010

weight for me

It's been a long stretch in between blogs so I have much of nothing to write about.
a) That man and I broke up, or rather I came home from work one day and he had packed his things and moved out not telling me is was going to happen. I was gutted and cried for a month, it was only a month ago and I still hurt like hell to be honest.
b) I took up Tennis only to have my tendonitis return and put a stop to it, buggar it all!!
c) I have rejoined Jenny Craig as I had put on all the weight I lost last year.

So now the rant...
That man well the less said the better, apparently I didnt do what he wanted all the time so that made me stubborn and I was after his money as well so he decided he had to move out without talking to me about it but still wants to remain friends and go out together occasionally. Now I dont know whether the go out together occasionally means lets hang or lets do the wild thing now and then when he feels like it and just be friends with benefits. Either way I am disinclined to do either. Why the Fek would I want to remain friends with someone who without so much as a goodbye walked away from what I thought was something fairly good? As for being after his money??? well thats laughable because I have my own and manage rather nicely and never had any intention of looking sideways at his. It was never even considered. I have dated plenty of blokes who earn less than me and it doesnt bother me, so long as they can hold their own and dont want propping up its not an issue. Ahh well time heals apparently...still sucks though and it hurt a lot having this happen but I guess there is nothing I can do about it, it was his choice to do it.
One positive is my house now stays tidy and has lost its cluttered overstuffed look and housework is a breeze.

Now to my weight....last year I lost 8kg and was doing well until I stopped the JC thing and didnt watch what I was doing and *shbang!!* there it all is back again.
SO now I am back at my weekly meeting and trying to get rid of it all again. 2kg gone in my first week but the second week has got off to a very bad start to be honest and now I am going to have to pull some serious "careful what I eat' manouvres to get back on track and have a loss this week. This is going to be hard as I have two days down in Wellington away from home this week which means I dont have my JC food on hand so will have to really be careful about what goes in the gob.
Does anyone else who reads this diet? have you had success? I need the inspiration so please share your story if you will.
And how do you mend a slight tear in the cardiovascular region? I mean its not heartbreak but its definate damage to that area.