Apparently whiteware makes it official

DG arrived at my place the night before last, unusual in itself as we dont see each other during the week due to work/study/sport training etc, but anyway he rocks up with ingredients for dinner,a bottle of wine and a clothes dryer. Yes you read it right, a clothes dryer.

I dont have a clothes dryer and last winter was hell in a handbasket trying to dry stuff as we had several months without a single fine day and I had clothes airers all over the house and the place did look a little like a chinese laundry to be honest. Ben and I were watching TV around the clothes airers and DG remembered this from our early conversations while he was still living in Australia last winter and last weekend was very rainy, all weekend, I didnt do any washing because I didnt want to be hanging laundry all over the house in front of him lol.

DG decided this wasnt good enough for me that I needed to be able to get my washing done without stressing about it getting dry and felt that part of his 'winterisation of my home' plan was to install a decent sized dryer for me. So he went out and bought me a clothes dryer and set it up for me. So I did a load of washing just to try the dryer out and while we were sitting there drinking the bottle of wine and watching the dryer going around and around and marvelling at its reverse spin to minimise tangling action, he commented on the symbolism of whiteware purchasing and mused out loud if this made it official, us being boyfriend and girlfriend. I said I thought it kinda symbolised a bit more than just BF and GF to which he grinned at me and topped up my glass and planted a smooch.

I havent stopped smiling since.

Kankles are encased.

Anyone who knows me knows I envy those who can wear boots above the ankles. I cant or rather have never found any I could get done up past my solid hefty ankles, even when slimmer my calves created a problem and so have never owned a pair of lovely up to the knee boots and have hated people who have gorgeous boots and strut about looking so trendy, hate you I say or rather hated that you can and I cant not hated you directly because I am sure you are all lovely people even if you do have enviable legs.

Last friday night I stopped at the mall on the way home, not something I do often as I hate shopping and crowds of people but I had the urge to look around and they had a sale on manchester and I needed some new sheets.

Anyway after buying my sheets I ventured further into the mall feeling brave and decided to go and have a look in a shop called City Chic, its for bigger girls and the stock mainly young peoples clothes but I occasionally buy a pair of work trousers or a top there that isnt too young.

I was trying on a pair of jeans and lamenting to the girl that they would look good tucked into a pair of knee length boots but alas I could never find any to find my huge legs. On which she smiled and said hey guess what?? we have just stocked 2 different styles of boot for larger legs......omg omg omg I nearly wet myself as I thought I might maybe be able to get into a pair. Anyway the sales assistant brought me both styles to try on and they FIT !!! I could zip them all the way up the side of my leg. They fit me!

Then I asked how much they were :-( ouch!!!!!

Very spendy, more spendy than I have ever spent on a single item other than furniture :-(

I tried on both styles several times, and tried them on with dresses and skirts and jeans and fell totally in love with a pair and tried so hard to not spend....but then I thought to myself.

I havent spent any of my redundancy money cause I need to save it, I have not wasted a single red cent. I have wanted and tried on so many pairs of boots over the years only to be so dissapointed when they didnt fit and although I could have paid a lot and got a pair made I have always thought no its too extravagant.

The more I tried them on the more excited I got and thought about how much wear I could get out of a pair of these boots. It's like I had the little red guy sitting on one shoulder and the little guy in white on the other, I was literally mentally arguing with myself over spending this amount of money on a pair of boots. I was all "you havent got a real job dont be so bloody stupid what are you 16??" and then I was " they are real leather not cheap imitation crap and they will last for years so spread the cost out over several years and it doesnt seem so extravagant and you will wear them lots and lots so they will be worth every penny"

The red guy won.

Then to ratify that it was a good choice I walked out of the shop and went into the supermarket to get some things and a guy walked past me and said " hey nice boots, they look great!" Now was that not telling me I had made the right choice?

Update and onwards, keep moving forward.

Ok neither of the job's I was looking at panned out. It wasnt meant to be I guess. I am happy enough working at the tertiary training institue where I am at the moment and they are making noises about me getting permanent work here. I could cope with that. Less money but a lot less stress and so far the people are great to work with. One in particular I have worked with before, I have known her since we were at highschool and we have not only worked together in the past but flatted together and travelled together so it seems as we joked over coffee/tea at lunchtime that we seem to be going the full circle. We also live around the corner from eachother so now we also carpool to work... funny old world really.

I am enjoying getting up an hour later as I dont have the travel I did and with winter closing in the extra snoozetime encased in the warmth of my bed appeals to me greatly, although I keep telling myself to use at least half of it to go walking.

Dynamo Guy said the 'L' word to me over the weekend, a never before uttered word in our relationship but it didnt scare me and the context was so casual and it was slipped in so sneakily that it took me by surprise. It wasnt an 'I love you" declaration, it was uttered during the course of a conversation about clogged drains of all things...........ok the story goes like this....DG was showering and as is his nature to clean he decided to take the gully trap out of the shower base and clean it as the shower didnt seem to be draining very quickly. It was full of long brown hair...ugh, yuck and gross...mine! He asked me to come and identify the species of creature he found in the shower drain and when I asked if it was my hair and should I be worried his reply was yes if it were him and he found this amount of hair lying around unattached to his head he would have serious concerns. I moult when stressed. Anyway at my exclaimation I was probably going bald he came up and put his arms around me and said sweetly

"It's alright babe I will still love you when you are bald " blah

charming no?

My reply was "well thats good cause I am not going to stick around to mash your food and change your old man diaper for you otherwise"

While it would take a lot for him to declared the L thing outright I get the feeling he is trying to let me know he does without actually saying it directly.

I feel secure and looked after and L'd so he doesnt need to say it outright because his actions scream it to me and it's good this way because it's not something I say easily either.

I am inherently suspicious of guys who say it all the time and especially when they expect the standard "I do too" reply. Reeks of insecurity to me.

PS DG has got hisself a new toy, he's been eyeing one up since Christmas time and now he has purchased the above beastie. Mine is the old red one which looks so OLD and SLOW next to his super duper fast quick lightening machine lol.

Impatience is not a good attribute.

So ok I am doing contract work for the local Polytechnic, which is good, not great pay but keeping things ticking over. The Scientific Research Company job, I was supposed to have the second interview meet and greet thing which was to meet the Chief Scientific Officer and company founder last Friday, well it was delayed and I have the interview tomorrow instead. The job sounds great but getting there is a problem, the ferry from home to the city is not a problem but then its a 2 km walk along the waterfront to Parnell and no buses or other public transport. In the fine weather this is not an issue, in the middle of winter with pouring rain and howling wind its not so enticing, so this is causing me some concern with the position.

On another note I attended another interview at a company that is only a 25 minute drive from home and they have called me back for a second interview with the CEO and COO this Friday.

So all in all things are happening and things are looking very promising but things are not happening very quickly. I used to be very laid back and calm about things but as I have aged this seems to have diminished. I will be better once I have full time permanent employment and know exactly where I stand and can restructure my budget. Geeky I know but I have to, being single and having a huge mortgage I need the security and to know that I can meet my payments etc and its about the only thing I am anal about is making sure the bills are paid.

No actually I am not single I have DG but we dont live together so I am single when it comes to paying the bills.

The grin, The grin is that of a Cheshire Feline

I am employed, possibly twice or two times or whatever.
MIT want me to do some work for them, its casual contract work but they are offering me this in the hope that they can give me something permanent once the departmental merger is complete, the twice is I went for an interview at a scientific research facility in the city on Monday and was waiting to hear back from them through the agency. Said Agency rang me yesterday and they want me in for a second interview this friday which is not so much an interview apparently but a 'Meet the Team' and the chief scientist guy.
Two jobs , two possibilities, well one is a certainty the other hinges on fridays interview. either way MIT want me to work for them as long as they can keep me. I dont feel so useless anymore me.
Although being made redundant shook the heck outta me and I was scared and worried and stressing (so much so I now have a cold sore on my lip blerk!) I get them when I am run down and stressed overly much. I decided the day after I finished work I wasnt going to let it beat me, I was going to hit it with uber positivity and make it work to my advantage and this is the attitude I took to interviews and so far it seems to work. People are saying to me I am handling it so well and while I have changed my attitude and am now, I wasnt before, it had dragged me right down to constant tearsville. In accordance with they way I try to think I talked myself out of the blues and into the summers eve, gentle breeze, good book place I like to be.
So now I go to the friday meeting with a blardy coldsore (or as I say a coleslaw) on my lip, out with the compeed patches and the lippy to hide it I guess lol. Either way if the science one doesnt pan out I still have the MIT one.

The science one means catching the ferry with a 2 km walk to the lab and back to the ferry again at the end of the day which, while it is fine will be nice but in winter could suck severely. Still the enforced walk exercise will tone up my gluteous maximuses and large tree trunk sized thighs and I could end up with legs that can wear boots again and a body that doesnt make me puke when I see it in a mirror and a hernia that is no more...............see I found the positive side again.

Unemployed

Ok so I was made redundantlast week. I left on wednesday, less than 8 hours after I found the letter on my desk saying there would be a meeting to discuss my now distablished position.
I told them I wasnt interested in a meeting for being given time to feed back on said meeting as having worked in HR before I know it is just following process and would have no effect on the outcome and I did not wish to work out my notice but wanted to be paid in lieu plus a few extras. I got all that I requested and packed up my desk that evening and left, suddenly, leaving a trail of unanswered questions from others. I wanted to cut ties and leave quickly and quietly, I couldnt continue to work there and remain professional in light of the way things were being done. I am not one for big farewells and grand speeches, especially when they come from false lips.
The morning after it all happened I woke up feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from me and I had slept properly for the first time in months. I might be the best thing and the opportunity I have been looking for.

So now I fling my CV far and wide and see what happens, I had an interview today with a scientific research facility that is working on methods to convert waste gases from industries into Bio-fuel, it was very interesting and innovative stuff and would like to see if things progress with that interview, it's cutting edge and would be an interesting and exciting thing to be part of.
Tomorrow I have an interview with the head of the excellence in learning and teaching facility at the local polytechnic as they have some work they want me to have a look at.

So I wait and do housework and washing and make tomatoe relish and pickles with all my garden vegetables and cook real meals for my son instead of quickfire 20min meals he normally gets. I dont get up at 6am every morning now and walk the dogs when I feel like it during the day. It wont last, it's temporary, I need to work, I have a mortgage the size of the grand canyon, however my negotiated severence pay has afforded me a little time to be able to look for something of substance rather than something to keep my head above water.

I am ok with it, I know things will work out and I feel a lot better than I have in months, the clouds arent so dark now.

DG (Dynamo Guy) and I spent a weekend together in Wellington before this happened, a little break away and while my mind was stewing and I was probably not the best company being so preoccupied, he was a model of patience and understanding and support and cuddles so I came back ready to face what was happening.
He gathers me. When my mind fragments and spins in all different directions and chaos of thought and panic set in, he is the logic to my madness and the stability to my quicksand that so often can drag me down. He gathers me.

Onwards and upwards. :-)