Another Thursday

Another Thursday rocks around. I kinda like Thursday because they bring on the anticipation of Friday.
It been a busy week and one thats not all been good.
You know how sometimes something will happen that causes you to have totally irrational feelings and battle with inner demons even though you know what you are feeling is dumb. Well I had one of those weeks. I hate feeling negative about things. It's such a waste of energy I think.
After my Mum died 13 years ago my older sister and her husband bought mums place. It was kind of nice cause it kept it in the family and I could still go out there and see mum in all the little things around the place.
Well a year ago my older sister moved to Australia where my little sister lives too and they rented out Mums little farmlet. Now, I know they bought it and it was theirs but I always have and always will think of it as Mum's place.

I found out this week that its up for sale ...........that makes me feel sad.

a) That I found out by accident , I kinda think it would have been nice if they had told me they were going to sell it ( I know, I know, I understand its really none of my business but still, I have an emotional attachment to the place)
b) That its not going to be Mum's place anymore and I wont get the opportunity to go out there and wander around the paddocks and say goodbye to everything and in a way to Mum as well.

I have a strange family, I love my sisters dearly but we dont speak often. They both live overseas. Everyone is too tied up with their own worlds and we cant always agree on things and I seem to not quite conform to their ideas of how I should be. ( I know both my sisters think I am completely strange) which causes any number of long periods of no contact, which incidently I detest.
Mum and Dad both died a long time ago now, seperate incidents. My Dad 24 years ago when I was 19 and my Mum 13 years ago when I was 31. So yeah I guess my parents were the glue that held us all together. Once they were both gone the family drifted apart as there was no common factor anymore.
Anyway all of these things compounded this week to cause me some demons and some totally negative irrational feelings. I need to say goodbye and just " build a bridge and get over it" as a dear friend would say to me.