Stress, Health and mental stability

All these things are, in varying degrees, sitting at very precarious levels of should not be happening in me right now.

I am stressed, I stress over everything which is not normally like me. The teenager who lives in my house seems to have become a lazy, slobbish, swearing troll to me lately and this cause me some tense moments and then the valve releases and he gets blasted by the furnace that is my wrath. People keep saying he's a normal teenager that they all are like this but I'm sorry its not normal to sleep till 4pm and not do as you are asked and not do your chores, its wasnt normal to do this when I was a teen so how has it become normal now? Is it because we let them do these things and get away with this behaviour that it is now called normal? It's abnormal in my eyes and I will continue on the path of harping and nagging and getting 'angus' (angry) at him to get things done. Some say just let it go and dont worry about the small stuff, but if we stopped worrying about the small stuff then what? We would have a generation who just dont give a damn about keeping their surroundings tidy and clean and feeding their pets and being contributing members of the household and helping others out. They would be self centred, slobby, selfish wankers, is this what we want the next gen to be like? A bit melodramatic maybe? I dont know.
I stress about work constantly and the new CEO does not instill any confidence in me about my job remaining safe. I have a gut feeling he is going to go through the place slashing and many may fall victim to the corporate knife. I have applied for a couple of positions before he came on board but was knocked back for various reasons, change of job spec, over qualified, etc. It would seem I am in no mans land on the career front too.
I stress about my health, with a collegue being diagnosed with cancer in september and passing away in December last year who sat in my pod and was my age....it scares me. My dad was 46 when he died and my mum 54, I dont want to get sick and die young I want to live to see my grandkids and do stuff with the boyfriend and live to be an old lady. So what is the constant fear of dying young like my parents, its doom and gloom and I cant seem to shake it. I hate it.
Why am I tired an hour after I wake up in the morning? Why is everything an effort for me? Why am I getting insecure about the boyfriend when he just is so good to me? Why do I feel like I want to just sleep for a month? I want to wake up and feel bouncy again? I liked feeling bouncy and happy. I hate feeling lethargic and fat and sleepy and neurotic and stressed.

With all this toxic custard curning around inside me I have done something I have never done before. I am going to see a cousellor after work today to see if I cant sort this shit out in my head and start dealing with it. I need to do something I cant have another year like last year it would send me insane I think.

So now I am officially in therapy. No one other than those who read this post know this.

Post Script: The boyfriend is still lovely. He let me run away to his house in the weekend and he ran me a huge bubble bath and gave me wine and chocolate biscuits to eat and a book to read while I soaked myself in his huge spa bath and luxuriated on saturday night. He let me nana nap on his couch sunday afternoon while he watched the motorsport with the volume down. I'm a lucky girl having him around.

Proud Mum

In between the

Fishing.......

The Girls......
The Beach.....

and the parties.......

Ben actually went to school
And he worked hard

Congratulations on passing your NCEA Level 2 Bennyboy. One more year and it's off to University for you.

I am very proud of you.

Ouchies,over exertion and being a dumbass.

I did an hours Zumba tonight and I think my entire stomach is now sitting on top of my diaphram instead of just the hernia bit............maybe tomorrows session will shake it all back down again.
Laughter,
ouch!

2010 vs 2011

2010, The more things I write about it the more I want to forget about it, apart from the good bits like meeting Glen and surviving another year in the same house as the teenager.

2011, I choose to make it a better year for all of us.

Happy New Year everyone and may 2011 bring to you all you wish for and even some magical things you hadnt thought to wish for.

DIY Christmas

Well Christmas Holidays are over and here I am back at work for a rest. Yes you heard right, a rest.
This is because I had a DIY Christmas that involved some major ripiing out of fireplaces and pulling apart of walls, and painting and re gibbing etc. Thankfully I had the assistance of the wonderful boyfriend as you can see in the pictures below.

The first cut is the deepest..


Then Glen got into his stride ripping off wall..

Of course I helped although someone had to stop to take pictures occasionally.

Then out came that poxy old woodchip heater that nearly burnt my house down in 2009

A completely stripped wall. Down to the Pink Batts (insulation)

Oops How did that get in there, I really did do some work honest....

Even when renovating one must always look their best and be outfitted appropriately for the occasion.

Wall Gibbed and stopped and ready to paint this weekend. :-)

Happy as a Pig in a Mud Puddle

Solitude

I am alone for the first time since December 24. My son is out somewhere in his car and the boyfriend returned home last night as he started work again today after his holiday.
I slept alone for the first time in two weeks last night and while to some that might seem sad, to me it was great to stretch out and starfish in the middle of the bed again. Yes the bed felt empty and I have missed the leisurely breakfast and conversation over the newsaper this morning, and the planning of the day too. Boyfriend and I seemed to slip seamlessly into this routine over the holidays and it was quite wonderful having someone across the table while breakfasting on the deck in the mornings.
Boyfriend is still being super duper lovely and treating me very wonderfully and spent his entire holiday working on the house with me. He finished off the edging around the deck....and it looks great! He helped me with some of the interior painting of which I am still working on and he even ripped out and re lined a wall in the lounge ready for plastering and painting of which I will be doing this week. Seriously though he insisted on doing all this stuff as he doesnt have his own place to pull apart and do up having just moved back to NZ from Australia, and so was very happy to be able to expend energy on this place. I told him repeatedly he was mad but I really did appreciate all the help and enjoyed the company immensely.
We progressed over the Christmas break, he met my friends and attended several social gatherings with me. He met the Aunty and Uncle, my only relatives here in NZ and I met his family and was invited to Christmas Champagne Breakfast at theirs, and I met some of his friends too.
I have had a wonderful 2 weeks feeling very cared for and spoiled and enjoyed the fun and laughter and still think this guy is great and now its back to reality and work and weekend romancing, but still I can live with that because it works for us both so well.

I hope you have all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year and that 2011 brings you all the joy and happiness you wish for.