A long time ago when the earth was green.

Belated Happy New Year to anyone who is reading this.
When I find myself in a better head space I will blog more but right now positivity eludes me so I will not write negatively.

Its a flower on one of my Cactii

From A to Z or the chronicles of his school years.

Momentus occasion, another milestone, another scare at the passing of time

My one and only, pride and joy, utter frustration had his last ever day at school yesterday......huge. His school years are over and now it is off to University next year. While he still has his final exams to sit school is officially over for the seniors

I remember his first day at school, I shed a tear, he didnt. By the end of the first week I wasnt even allowed to get out of the car when I dropped him off let alone escort him to class. Mr Independent from day 1

His first year teacher dispaired of him, telling me she couldnt understand how he thought, there were things like when they had to line up to walk into class he would be in line but two paces to the left of the line instead of directly behind the person in front. As far as he was concerned he was in line standing straight and smart. He used to finish his work before the others so he would do their work for them so they would all get finished and the teacher could move on to the next thing, in his mind there was nothing wrong with helping others so they could all move forward.

He topped the school in his primary years, All Excellence Award his prize, dux of the primary school. He loved school and worked hard but always maintained a slightly left field sense of humour that was not always understood. I remember he had to do a newspaper article one year so him and his mate took a photo of Ben and photoshopped Bin Ladens beard and turban onto Ben's image and did a piece about Ben Laden bribing politicians. In my mind it showed these 10 year olds were aware of world happenings and the article had humour in it, to some it was totally inappropriate.

I remember at 12 he had long hair and his teacher told him that the school rules said if the hair was below the collar it had to be tied up, thinking Ben would get a haircut. Ben came home and asked me for some hair ties and put his hair in a ponytail for school each day.

In his last year of intermediate school we moved to Beachlands and to a new school a third of the way through the year. The seniors did a big end of year production and Ben was determined to get a part in it. For the audition they had to sing or recite something. Ben wrote all the words to Cat Stevens-Father and Son and sang it over and over to the CD until he had it right for the audition. Everyone else sang the national anthem or a nursery song. He got the lead role and had 3 solos and 2 duets to sing. I have the CD of that show and I have to say I sat in the audience that night holding back the tears as my heart burst with pride. Not so much when the picture arrived in the letter box from a teacher of Ben during a school field trip where they had to take a packed lunch. My son took a can of fruit salad and a can opener for lunch. (at least he thought long enough to take a can opener was my first thought, that and it was fruit in natural juice not in syrup)

High School started, my words of advice were "Ben, it is time to be noticed for your achievements not your clowning around now. Keep your head down and work hard, dont mark yourself as the class clown"

2 months in there was the school sports day and he arrived home to tell me he had spent the day in fairy wings and a tiara, but had redeemed himself by winning the 100 metre sprint but only because he was wearing his lucky fairy wings and tiara at the time. This time the photo arrived from his teacher via email.

And so on through his high school years, wearing a dress for Shakespear day, singing Dora the Explorer to his math teacher Ms Dormer. Getting a 2 week bus ban for punching a kid in the face because this kid was hassling someone on the bus and when Ben stuck up and said leave him alone the other kid spat in Ben's face, Ben lashed out. I didnt condone it but I understood it. His teachers stood by him saying it was not in his nature to be violent and he was provoked. Telling a young single graduate teacher that 'he' was her happy place when she was stressed and saying she was going to her happy place during class one day. Making the first XI football team and vice captain, then being made captain the following year. This his final year, always in trouble for not shaving being threatened with being stood down if he didnt shave, not turning up to school until lunchtime once he got his car (Sorry Miss I was busy sleeping). The fights and arguments trying to get him to study and watching his grades fall way below where they should be for one so bright. He has been ready to leave school for a while now, it has been a struggle to keep him there this last year. If he had applied himself he would get good marks, all I can hope for now is that he passes with enough marks to get into one of the Universities that is holding a place for him.

His last day was full of antics and high jinks but none of it harmful or destructive to property or person. He got kicked out of school four times on his last day the final one he was accused of was one he hadnt been involved in (water bombs) but by then I think the teachers were asking all the seniors to just go home.

The best story so far I think is watching the teachers bend down to try and pick up the 20 cent coin he glued to the pavement right outside the main office doors.

Ben your school years are ones you will look back on and remember as some of the best. I hope you never loose your sense of humour and your ability to make others laugh. Dont be a sheep son always dance to the beat of your own drum.

It's been a while, lets sit and talk some time away.

It's been some time since I last wrote and it is not because nothing has been going on, in reality many things have happened in the last few months and at times I have started to write but then I have decided not to hit the publish button. Sometimes I worry that I sound like a big old disaster area as all these things have happened to me over the past year and they seem at times so negative. I think of myself as a positive person but when someone commented about hiding the sharp knives from me the other week after having such a bad run of things lately it made me wonder how others perceive me. I write to get things out of my head sometimes and I value the comments that come back to me as they always cheer or give me a different viewpoint to consider. So I will write and while what you may read might make you think oh ffs this person is like a walking doom cloud, remember I dont write it that way, I am not down, I just share the reality of what happens. It's not all bad stuff I have a lot of really great stuff too. So here goes, but remember dont cry for me Argentina.

My one listed follower on this blog is my Aunty Sue, after a family issue when my dad died 26 years ago I never saw dads brother and his wife (sue) for 20 years although my sisters did. It transpired a few years ago that my younger sister , bless her heart, built a bridge and I was reunited with my all time fav uncle of my childhood and his wife. Sue and I became fast friends and emailed several times a day, I went on dates and she waited eagerly for updates and we giggled like schoolgirls over it even though she was 15 years my senior. Sue and Jim have been a huge part of my life in the last 4 years I saw them several times a week, went there for xmas and birthdays and dinners all the time. In June this year, My darling Aunty Sue was diagnosed with lung cancer, she had not smoked for over 25 years but there it was, it only took 3 months to consume her and she died in September. I miss her so very dearly but I am extremely happy I got the 4 years with her before this happened. It was thanks to Suzy in part that I went on the second and third date with Dynamo Guy, she told me even though he wasnt what I normally was attracted too to persist because he sounded like a nice guy. Thank you Sue, I am so glad I listened.

Ben my darling son, you frustrate the hell out of me, since your 18 birthday you have become a pain in the arse even if I love you beyond measure. 18 means you can be tried as an adult if you find yourself in court and that you can buy alcohol and go to bars, it does not mean you can stop using manners and treating others with courtesy and respect, that is a lifelong thing ok? Dont waste your life, make it count, it's ok to live in the here and now but always have the future in mind and pay heed to where you want that future to take you and what you need to do to make it happen. Your life is yours, dont burn bridges, treat people with respect, be aware of your shortcomings and work to make them not so short. Dreams dont just happen, work to make them happen for you.

And to the now...... I was made redundant again, well almost I resigned before it happened because I have found a new job. Earlier this year it gutted me to be made redundant but I was lucky enough to land on my feet with not only 3 months salary payout but a job to walk into a week later. It was a casual contract, but with the hope something permanent would come along, there were plans....they never worked out. The training institute I have been working at has undergone a major restructure and my job was in jeopardy, so I started looking. I wanted something close to home again, for me this means 30 min drive because I am a fringe dweller, outer fringes. I decided to step back from the corporate world and go low key again, drop in salary but more than my casual contract gave me. I have now a job as an office manager for an engineering firm 30 mins from home. Its a smaller company owned and operated by two directors from big engineering backgrounds who decided to get together and have their own business. Its building up steadily, the books show either level or increase in business during the last 5 years, a good sign in a recession. It seems low key and varied and busy, my kind of space. I start on November 7 which is really good because I have damaged my lower back and the Dr has put me off work for 2 weeks with instructions to either lay flat, or stand with some walking. I am not to sit or drive or lift or carry or bend or stretch or do anything much for two weeks.....bored already on day 3. Of course this means no money coming in for at least 2 weeks but I have my stash from my payout which will keep me covered for now. My new job I get paid monthly which kinda sucks cause I am used to fortnightly but I can adjust. If nothing else I am an adjustable doll. Just like Barbie with bendable arms and legs only without the hourglass figure and disproportionate legs.

And lastly on September 1 a year ago I met Dynamo Guy for a coffee for the first time. So it has now been over a year and he is still around, some kinda record for me. He has been my rock and my anchor and the oil on stormy waters. He is one of the best. I hope he sticks around cause I like the way things are and the fun we have together. Its not been easy the last few months and he has had to do a bit of propping up emotionally but he has done it superbly and now its onwards and upwards into a bright new day.

So ends my mini novel of doom and gloom.

Now I am going to rise slowly from my supine position and go in search of cheese and crackers. :)

Help! Significant Teenage Birthday Looming.........

I have a small issue.

Next week is my son's 18th birthday (omg 18??? where the hell did that go?)

Yes it shocks me when I look at him and think he is turning 18 next week. Sometimes I long to go back to his younger preteen days when he was this happy, chatty, chirpy, full of life, no stopping me kid. I am not really coping so well with the teenage angsting and sulleness and sulks and hatey parent attitude but aside from all that my problem is this...

What the hell do I get him for his birthday???

I have no idea! He never asks for anything and if I ask him what he would like he says he doesnt know and there is nothing he really needs or wants. Even when he was little he never used to say I want this or I want that for my birthday so he hasnt been easy to buy for at times. Over his teen years things like an MP3 player, media player, or low end cell phone have done the trick but for his 18th I feel it's gotta be something a bit special.

So please if anyone has any ideas or ask your partners/husbands or older sons what they think would be a good present for him.

No not a car please he has one already so does not need another and mothers budget wouldnt stretch to it anyway.

When your heart bleeds for your children.

Where I live in Beachlands, it's a small coastal community. Our kids all went to school together and know each other. They go to the same parties now they are teens and play in the same sports teams.

This past weekend there was a car accident out our way involving two 18 year old boys, one didnt survive. He wasnt wearing a seatbelt and for some inexplicable reason they didnt have their headlights on even though it was 12.30am at night. Playing silly buggars my dad would have said. The result of this and other factors I am sure that will come to light is that the car met a tree at speed not even 3 kms from home.

Watching your child grieve for a friend is a hard thing to do. My parents went through it when my best friend was hit by a car crossing the road on her way home from work when I was 16 and now I understand their helplessness.

Watching Ben swing from anger, to disbelief, to deep sadness and a collage of other emotions is hard, he lost his appetite, the boys all came together and just sat staring at the ground saying very little, they had nothing to say as they each struggled with coming to terms with it. Ben is so angry at his mates for being so dumb, and struggles to make sense of it all. He worries about the driver who is quite likely facing jail time because of the accident. I know this boy well, he was a regular at our home and one of the boys who always calls me Mum. He's a polite boy, quietly spoken, who always came and had a chat with me when he came to visit Ben, a good kid essentially, but one who has done something so incredibly silly and misguided in the teenagers belief of being invincible. He doesnt belong in jail I feel, but how do you make reparation for such as this?

I worry about Ben when he is out with mates, they have a sober driver system and they stick to it, hopefully they will continue to stick to it. I have told Ben that if ever he is out and the sober driver drinks, he is to ring me, no matter what the time is or where they are and I will come and pick them up and get them all home. It's the same thing my parents said to me as a teenager and I understand why they felt this way having a teenager of my own now.

It's true you dont sleep until they are home safely.

Two Headed Bitch Troll from Hell with Fish.

Ok so this was me on Saturday last. I dont know if it was PMS or what but I was a total cow and I would have left me standing on the side of the road outside the builders yard which was a 30 minute drive from my place. DG however did not, although I think he wondered what the hell had hit him at times during the day. I was short tempered and snappy and just a total troll.

I wanted to get things done and get home, I had borrowed a friends ute to pick some building stuff up and was concious I shouldnt be too long but I kept getting sidetracked either by me or DG but mostly me and then I got grumpy with me about it and he who was there had to weather the storm. It is not often I get like this but sometimes, I just want to chew the head of a bird and yell at everyone around me.

Also I dont like the way DG organised the fish tank however I bit my tongue and let him do it as I had been so mean and bossy and do it my way!!! all day I thought I should really let the poor bastard cop a break you know?

I had fish in a little tank in the kitchen but got a second hand tank off trademe, a NZ Auction site a bit like ebay. So Saturday we decided to get another couple of fish to keep the biggest one company. DG suggested it needed more plants as it was looking sparse after the relocation. So I got plants and driftwood and extra fish and then we went home and I sat quietly by while he tried to artistically landscape the new tank. I didnt like it and I thought about rearranging it after he left on Sunday night but decided not to be so petty and to learn to compromise after doing things my way for, oh the last 14 or so years.

So as you can see my inner bitch is still lurking dangerously close to the surface. Yes I am due and no I am not normally this much of a moo about it.

Sunday I played nice all day and made DG coffee and held bits of cupboard while he assembled. We sent the boys off to the local golf resort to play tennis and swim and work out at the gym so they werent bugging us by lying in Ben's room playing on the PS3 when they could be helping outside which would have most certainly made me get grumpy with Ben.

Nice me has gone on vacation it would seem and Poison Ivy me has taken up residence with barely concealed inner bitchiness struggling to surface.
I really dont like myself when I get like this and dont want to be friends with me somedays.

Doughies- Go Bettys Kitchen.

Ok today the recipe is not so much from the excesses of my garden, well not at all really.

Today I am going to share a recipe for doughies or fried bread. I know it sounds hideously gross and dripping with oil and fatness but it really isnt and makes for a yummy dessert.

This is dead easy to make and a great pudding. (Littlies love them to munch on)

I serve it with Golden Syrup and either icecream or whipped cream.

Doughies.
2 Cups Flour
2 Teaspoons Baking Powder
1/2 Teaspoon of salt.
Warm water. (Add 1/2 a cup to start. If you make it too soft just add a handful of flour to bind it again)

Mix the flour , baking powder and salt with enough warm water to make a soft dough. Knead lightly and then let sit for about 30 mins.

In a medium saucepan place about 2 inches of vegetable oil or rice bran oil.
Heat until a small piece or ordinary bread dropped into the oils starts browning.

Cut off 1 inch bits of the dough and flatten with fingers to about 1 cm disk.
Place into the hot oil and cook turning when light golden colour. (They will puff up)

Remove when cooked and place on draining paper.

When cooked place into dessert plates drizzle over golden Syrup and spoon on whipped cream or icecream.
Alternatively have syrup and cream in separate dishes and let people dip their doughies into each before popping into le bouche.

These are almost like a doughnut type of thing so you can do the sugar and cinnamon or whatever type of finishing you would like.

Cooks Note:
I am going to try making these and putting a dollop of jam into the flattened disk and folding it over and pinching together and cooking so they hopefully have a jammy filling in the middle. (Lemon Honey might be a bit nice in the middle too)

Enjoy and once again let me know if you try the recipes I post and what you think.