Combination update on the menu today.
Day 4 at the gym today and I felt like a cop out so I added another 5 mins to my treadmill and my bike and did 50 stomach crunches and 2 sets of 12 leg raises, you know that killer where you lie on your back on the floor and raise your legs and lower them so they are just about touching the floor but arent and then raise them again. By the time I had done 2 sets of those my secret agent under cover abs were screaming at me. I felt good and tired after the workout though which makes me feel like I have actually done something constructive. I hate walking out of the gym all springy and bouncy like I havent worked hard enough.
Second item on the agenda is my podmate has been relocated. Here at work we are in an open plan office with pods of 4 staff in some cases more, well because I sit outside the CEO's door guarding him I dont actually have a pod as such but in the pod next to me were the Business Services team including the lovely Bernadette who is the one person here who shares my sense of humour most of the time though sometimes I still manage to shock her lol. Well they have reloacted to the other side of the building so now she is no longer in hollering distance or handy to call in on the way to getting a cuppa. That sux because if I wander over the other side to chat I kinda feel like I am loitering with intent, which of course I am but I dare not loiter too long in case people stare.
Third item is date number 5 with HCM guy (Hot Chocolate Movie Guy). He cooked me dinner and we watched the rugby game on TV. Dinner was lovely, spag bol every mans easy dish but still very nice and a couple of bottles of good red wine. Some very interesting conversation about internet dating and how its not him as he finds it all quite false and this is why he has pulled his profile off the site. He said although he had met several ladies they all turned out quite different from the profiles they had online. On hearing this I looked him straight in the eye and said
"And me?" Because of course I am not afraid to ask these things.
To which I got told I was in another league althogether and I was everything I represented myself to be and more, in a good way. Which was nice to hear.
Like me he doesnt understand why people make themselves out to be something they are not and to what end they hope lying makes themselves more attractive. They will always be found out, always. Anyway all in all it was a lovely night.
So 5 dates and some very open and honest conversations and a lot of laughter. I am liking this guy. He is cute and funny and makes me laugh and is a good kisser. But like making cheese, good things take time so I am in no rush.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Back to the Future....
Many many lifetimes ago, well not that many only about 6 years ago to be precise, I used to go to the Gym. Regularly. Like every day for about 2 hours 6 days a week. I stopped and the spillage happened, I spillaged about 30 odd kilos into my short 5ft 3 inch frame and now I suffer from the effects of obesity. My boobs became massive and to compensate so I didnt fall forward while walking around, my caboose increased in size to counter balance the outfrontage. My body became a secret agent, it was undercover, lots of cover. So the moral of this story isnt this but if a guy tells you you dont need the gym and you are gorgeous and then preceeds to inflict such misery on your life you eat and drink and damn near loose your sanity to cope with it....dont believe the lying SOB cause he loves the fact only that you are dumb enough to be with him.
I am a fatty! I am short and fat and this needs to not be so. I am 45 next week and I dont want to die at 46 like my dad did. (He wasnt fat but he had a heart problem) but none-the-less I am a walking or rather waddling timebomb.
So I am making a public statement here in the hope that going public is going to somehow flick the switch in my brain, the stickability switch. You see I often have all good intentions but get bored so very easily and I wander off to something new. Now last time I was gymming I was intense, I loved it, it was great , the routine of coming home from work dropping everything grabbing a text book-studying- and heading to the gym to workout (read the text book while on the bike etc) I got into the groove of it, it didnt take long and I had dropped a lot of weight and didnt look too bad, I will always have curves but these were dangerous curves not damn mountains.
I have a gym in the basement at work and a personal trainer on reception some days, so I have no excuse, no gym fees and Maree to make sure I am doing what I should be. Yesterday the lovely Maree took me through my programme for the first time, today I have come to work with my gym bag packed and ready to go. I am going to record progress on here along with my dating debarcles lol.
Day one: 44 yrs old, 99kg and totally hating what I let myself become.
Tomorrow I will have done my first real workout in a few years to which I will have made myself feel marginally better for having done it. The trick from then on is to not get down on the long road ahead and to keep going and get into the routine and keep it moving. I have a bloody long way to go but if you look at what I was and what I am, what I was, is where I want to be again. That's about 30kg ago.
And so begins the journey to health and happiness in who I am.
Monday, August 2, 2010
To be or not to be.........employed
Ok things are pretty damn screwed up at the moment. We are currently undergoing job reviews at work and the review was supposed to be finished by July 23 then was pushed back to July 30 and then again.......I kid you not....to August 5 it means this entire last two months I have been keeping a smile on the dial and trying to stay upbeat and get on with life when the entire time I have this gigantic rat knawing at my gut and tying my innards into knots that means I am not sleeping and eating far too much crap being an emotional eater that I am.
The fact that I could possibly not have a job in a months time and I have a whopping mortgage to pay and a teenager to raise causes me huge amounts of heartburn lately.
I am angry at this whole proccess, it is bad enough to be going through it but to have these dates pushed out not once, but twice, to me is totally unaceptable and unprofessional. These are people they are playing with. 10 of us to be exact, who have families and mortgages and babies etc and they keep us dangling like sausages in a butchers window. We are by no means a large company and the administration staff number 10 including myself as exec to CEO and the Office Manager so this is having a very noticable effect on the Admin staff, moral is so low and all of us are anxiously chewing our bottom lip. I guess the wait is almost over and the pain in my gut is unbearable right now and not just for me but for all of my collegues going through this horrible thing. I hate waiting for results etc especially ones that are potentially badly life changing. My head hurts constantly and worry and anxiety cloud my thinking and my ability to be sociable with others, the rat in my gut knaws and knaws every hour of every day while I try to find something to distract me even for a little while but it sits in the back of my mind like an insidious little maggot.
The fact that I could possibly not have a job in a months time and I have a whopping mortgage to pay and a teenager to raise causes me huge amounts of heartburn lately.
I am angry at this whole proccess, it is bad enough to be going through it but to have these dates pushed out not once, but twice, to me is totally unaceptable and unprofessional. These are people they are playing with. 10 of us to be exact, who have families and mortgages and babies etc and they keep us dangling like sausages in a butchers window. We are by no means a large company and the administration staff number 10 including myself as exec to CEO and the Office Manager so this is having a very noticable effect on the Admin staff, moral is so low and all of us are anxiously chewing our bottom lip. I guess the wait is almost over and the pain in my gut is unbearable right now and not just for me but for all of my collegues going through this horrible thing. I hate waiting for results etc especially ones that are potentially badly life changing. My head hurts constantly and worry and anxiety cloud my thinking and my ability to be sociable with others, the rat in my gut knaws and knaws every hour of every day while I try to find something to distract me even for a little while but it sits in the back of my mind like an insidious little maggot.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Monday be mine. Or nobody told me we needed to get potatoes!
I want to own you instead of you owning me. I am tired of waking up feeling great and being hit in the face FWAP! by a monday as I walk downstairs.
Oh for anyone who actually reads this drivel (notice I used the correct terminology) friday nights date with HCM guy went well. I still think he is a nice guy and he still has a sense of humour and I try not to over analyse things but gee sometimes I just do. Meanwhile watch this space I guess.
Monday, chaotic, hectic, frantic, just really a nasty trick being played after a lovely relaxing weekend spent walking the beach with beloved aunty and her furball dog and hanging out with my teenage son on one of those occasions we actually get along so well the entire weekend is just loads of fun and good conversation and marvelling at the way he can talk to me about all kinds of stuff and trust me with all kinds of information.
My niece was having her first Art Exhibition this weekend and so I took the teenage son to view said artworks, knowing that some of it was quite expilicit but thinking he was mature enough to get it or at least not giggle at the sight of some rather 'arty' stuff. The exhibition was in conjunction with two other artists and all three of them work really well together in that their work compliments the others and bounces off eachother well together. It was abstract, it wasnt paintings it was stuff, thoughts , feelings, textiles and textures, naughty things all mashed in together in an entire room of works completely covering the walls No space free here folks.
If you go to an exhibit wanting to discuss, colour, form and light, this was not the exhibition for you. This is raw, young adult angsting and fun and feelings and testing of boundaries. Some of it shock value and in amongst the plethora of works was a pretty piece of pink fabric cross stitched in pink, barely readable, with the words 'It's ok mum. I am fine. It's only art' To me that said it all. These guys cut a raw edge with their work and push limits and boundaries and had some stuff that would maybe make you question their state of mind, that is if you didnt know them. It was clever, it was thought provoking. It was insightful and real.
I walked around the room about 6 times and everytime something new showed itself to me. I loved it, it was revealing and refreshing and I especially loved the way my son soaked it in, he read, he looked , he did the occasional double take, he laughed, and he made some surprising comments to me about different things. The thrill of watching your child take in something new never ceases believe me. It was like this when I took him to the Monet and Impressionists exhibition.
Anyway Monday still sucks.
Oh for anyone who actually reads this drivel (notice I used the correct terminology) friday nights date with HCM guy went well. I still think he is a nice guy and he still has a sense of humour and I try not to over analyse things but gee sometimes I just do. Meanwhile watch this space I guess.
Monday, chaotic, hectic, frantic, just really a nasty trick being played after a lovely relaxing weekend spent walking the beach with beloved aunty and her furball dog and hanging out with my teenage son on one of those occasions we actually get along so well the entire weekend is just loads of fun and good conversation and marvelling at the way he can talk to me about all kinds of stuff and trust me with all kinds of information.
My niece was having her first Art Exhibition this weekend and so I took the teenage son to view said artworks, knowing that some of it was quite expilicit but thinking he was mature enough to get it or at least not giggle at the sight of some rather 'arty' stuff. The exhibition was in conjunction with two other artists and all three of them work really well together in that their work compliments the others and bounces off eachother well together. It was abstract, it wasnt paintings it was stuff, thoughts , feelings, textiles and textures, naughty things all mashed in together in an entire room of works completely covering the walls No space free here folks.
If you go to an exhibit wanting to discuss, colour, form and light, this was not the exhibition for you. This is raw, young adult angsting and fun and feelings and testing of boundaries. Some of it shock value and in amongst the plethora of works was a pretty piece of pink fabric cross stitched in pink, barely readable, with the words 'It's ok mum. I am fine. It's only art' To me that said it all. These guys cut a raw edge with their work and push limits and boundaries and had some stuff that would maybe make you question their state of mind, that is if you didnt know them. It was clever, it was thought provoking. It was insightful and real.
I walked around the room about 6 times and everytime something new showed itself to me. I loved it, it was revealing and refreshing and I especially loved the way my son soaked it in, he read, he looked , he did the occasional double take, he laughed, and he made some surprising comments to me about different things. The thrill of watching your child take in something new never ceases believe me. It was like this when I took him to the Monet and Impressionists exhibition.
Anyway Monday still sucks.
Monday, July 19, 2010
A second date, would you like a hot chocolate with that?
Well, the hot chocolate movie guy (HCM) Guy, we went out on a second date last friday.
It could potentially have been a disaster as we had arranged to met in Sale St a bar in the CBD which is sort of halfway between our respective homes. Traffic was abysmal, I called him at one point to say I was still at least an hour from the venue, he said it was fine his ex was caught in traffic and hadnt picked the kids up yet anyway.
45 mins later he called to say the kids were still there and it looked like he was going to be very very late what did I want to do? I figured I am on the motorway so may as well head up closer to his place and meet somewhere up that way. He felt bad about me driving all that way but sounded pleased I hadnt suggested we call off the date.
So we met at GPK on the North Shore, nice place, I sat in the bar by the fire while I waited for 'HCM guy' to arrive. Half a glass of red later he walked in the door scanning the room anxiously [ I think he was worried I might have given up and gone home]. So we enjoyed another glass of red...this guy used to work in the wine business so he knows his stuff and doesnt skimp on wine. Anyhoo during the course of this glass and conversation in bounced his houseguest, a friend relocating from down south due to work. We shared woodfired Pizza and a bottle of very expensive red wine and then the friend left and we continued conversation and finished off the wine.
The time had come.........I was making noises about heading home and 'HCM guy' invited me back to his for a hot chocolate, now I know this all sounds a bit dodgy but it really is not.
I followed him back to his place wondering if maybe I should be doing this but then thought FFS I am 44 years old I am sure this will be fine, and it was, his house guest made himself scarce when we got there and HCM guy made us both a hot chocolate and we sat and watched part of a movie while we drank and talked a bit more.
Ok by 11.45pm I was starting to fade after having a busy day and what was over a 2 hour drive in totally crap traffic to get to the date earlier in the evening, topped off with a couple of 3 glasses of very nice wine, it was time to leave. So I did. I put on my coat, thanked him for a lovely evening and for dinner and the hot chocolate. I got a split second kiss, the kind that if you blink you will miss it and off I drove into the night with the instruction to text when I had arrived home safely. It took me 40 mins to get home which is about right.
Turns out [in a later text] he wanted to give me a proper kiss good night but had a sore throat and didnt want to share his bug. So two dates down and "the kiss" hasnt happened but that is not a bad thing because after leaping in boots and all with the last boy I am more than a little cautious this time. Once bitten twice shy and all and I am happy just to hang out and get to know this guy first before I open any shutters on the butterflies.
It did make me feel good the other night when he rang and asked when he could see me again and could he cook me dinner this friday.
He cooks, his house is tidy, he is intelligent, he laughs out loud, he is positive, he is driven, and he has a sense of humour and most of all he seems happy to go at my pace.
This could be the start of something good.
Now I have a question to ask.
With things seemingly progressing along with HCM movie guy, do I continue to date other men until something happens or something is said about exclusiveness or is that a bit 'on the nose' Part of me says no I shouldnt I should be concentrating on only HCM guy, but part of me says if it all falls over and things stop progressing I havent cut off other possibilities if I continue to see others. What would your take on it be?
It could potentially have been a disaster as we had arranged to met in Sale St a bar in the CBD which is sort of halfway between our respective homes. Traffic was abysmal, I called him at one point to say I was still at least an hour from the venue, he said it was fine his ex was caught in traffic and hadnt picked the kids up yet anyway.
45 mins later he called to say the kids were still there and it looked like he was going to be very very late what did I want to do? I figured I am on the motorway so may as well head up closer to his place and meet somewhere up that way. He felt bad about me driving all that way but sounded pleased I hadnt suggested we call off the date.
So we met at GPK on the North Shore, nice place, I sat in the bar by the fire while I waited for 'HCM guy' to arrive. Half a glass of red later he walked in the door scanning the room anxiously [ I think he was worried I might have given up and gone home]. So we enjoyed another glass of red...this guy used to work in the wine business so he knows his stuff and doesnt skimp on wine. Anyhoo during the course of this glass and conversation in bounced his houseguest, a friend relocating from down south due to work. We shared woodfired Pizza and a bottle of very expensive red wine and then the friend left and we continued conversation and finished off the wine.
The time had come.........I was making noises about heading home and 'HCM guy' invited me back to his for a hot chocolate, now I know this all sounds a bit dodgy but it really is not.
I followed him back to his place wondering if maybe I should be doing this but then thought FFS I am 44 years old I am sure this will be fine, and it was, his house guest made himself scarce when we got there and HCM guy made us both a hot chocolate and we sat and watched part of a movie while we drank and talked a bit more.
Ok by 11.45pm I was starting to fade after having a busy day and what was over a 2 hour drive in totally crap traffic to get to the date earlier in the evening, topped off with a couple of 3 glasses of very nice wine, it was time to leave. So I did. I put on my coat, thanked him for a lovely evening and for dinner and the hot chocolate. I got a split second kiss, the kind that if you blink you will miss it and off I drove into the night with the instruction to text when I had arrived home safely. It took me 40 mins to get home which is about right.
Turns out [in a later text] he wanted to give me a proper kiss good night but had a sore throat and didnt want to share his bug. So two dates down and "the kiss" hasnt happened but that is not a bad thing because after leaping in boots and all with the last boy I am more than a little cautious this time. Once bitten twice shy and all and I am happy just to hang out and get to know this guy first before I open any shutters on the butterflies.
It did make me feel good the other night when he rang and asked when he could see me again and could he cook me dinner this friday.
He cooks, his house is tidy, he is intelligent, he laughs out loud, he is positive, he is driven, and he has a sense of humour and most of all he seems happy to go at my pace.
This could be the start of something good.
Now I have a question to ask.
With things seemingly progressing along with HCM movie guy, do I continue to date other men until something happens or something is said about exclusiveness or is that a bit 'on the nose' Part of me says no I shouldnt I should be concentrating on only HCM guy, but part of me says if it all falls over and things stop progressing I havent cut off other possibilities if I continue to see others. What would your take on it be?
Monday, July 12, 2010
And the beat goes on.
Ok Bachelor number three turned out to be about 15 years older than his photo , with it seems no sense of humour which one does definately need to associate with me. Crossed off the list. Met another one for coffee...yeah nah!
Are my standards too high maybe I wonder? No I dont think so.
Last weekend must have been the weekend for catching up with ex's. I dont have a lot of them but a couple I have remained friends with after we have parted company.
Last weekend I caught up with one I havent seen for about 6 years for a drink on friday night, he hasnt changed. He is still a madman with hair longer than mine and by that I mean its down past his waist. Hair a girl would kill for. I dont date guys with hair longer than mine I decided back then and since friday have reiterated that statement to myself.
Saturday I had a couple of offers but decided to put a pot of mulled wine on the fire and stay in and watch the James Bond Movie instead. It was cold out and I wanted to be lazy.
Sunday I had brunch with another ex whom I was very very enamoured of when we were together but sadly his drinking created problems for us me not being such a big drinker and him being an every night drinker. We catch up regularly and I still look at him and think about the great times we had when he was sober, We spent a lot of time out on our motor bikes touring here and there for lunch and coffee and coastal rides etc and many hours debating current affairs and watching the history channel on sky tv. Nerdy I know but he was one I could really get into discussions with, we were on the same page a lot of the time.
Sunday After brunch I spent in my vege garden its huge and picked Cauli, brocolli, beets, spinach, silverbeet, and Kholrabi for dinner that night which was very yummy and I so love my veges but alas I wasnt to get to enjoy them that night. I got a message from a someone I have been corresponding with saying
"hey lets met and go to a movie tonight"...so I called him back and we decided the 6.30pm movie looked good. It was 5.10pm at this stage and it takes me 35-40 mins to get to the theatre so I was a whirlwind of shower, dress, makeup, ring the Aunty to let her know I have a date, she lives vicarously through me and loves my dating regime, it keeps her entertained for hours lol.
SSooooo anyway I get there 5 mins before the movie starts hoping like hell this guy isnt a total creepo, txt him and let him know I was by the doors and he comes bouncing around the corner with a huge grin looking all cheeky and cute and I am thinking thank god he is smiling thats a good start. People who take themselves seriously all the time I can do without in my flitter fluttery world.
We laughed during the movie, out loud, which is great because so many chuckle but dont actually laugh in case someone hears them, god forbid. I dont, I laugh, laughing is great fun. Then afterwards we went to a cafe and he bought me a hot chocolate and a chocolate afghan biscuit....it was a very cold evening. Talked for ages over our chocolate and then he escorted me to my car and asked if we could meet again when he is back from his business trip at the end of the week.
All in all a lovely evening, glad I decided to go. A very nice guy so far so we will see what happens. We are meeting for a drink after work on friday this week. Watch this space.........
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