Time Warp.

So 4 years huh? 4 years since I wrote a piece for my blog. It seems way too long but then life gets so busy I guess.

I had to go back and see where I was 4 yrs ago.......so much living in such a small amount of time.

My Benniboy is nearly 23 now and in the last year of his electrical apprenticeship....after doing 2 years at University on an Applied Science Degree and deciding he hated it and dropping out that is.....(not a happy muma) I am thankful that he has settled down and found his niche for now....I say for now because he is like his Mum, a bit of a restless spirit.

Me? well I have been having adventures in life and doing what I do best.....living. Waking up breathing everyday and just being thankful for that on some days really.

I am 50 now, and some days it seems like time has disappeared on me and I wonder where it went, and I think 'no I still have so much more to do, can I please have some back'.  I have moved out of my beautiful little house by the sea. I finished renovating it and have rented it out to some friends with a young family. I was on my own and didnt need it as much as they needed a home. I handed them the keys after packing up my most personal stuff and left them with a fully furnished home including crockery cuttlery bedding towels,  everything but my beloved books, family photos and my personal bedroom furniture pretty much.  I moved into a house as a boarder..a strange thing to do at my age but the people are friends of mine so not so bad. I went from my own three bedroom house that I lived in by myself to condensing my world into a bedroom. Everything is packed up, boxed up and sitting in the garage back out at the house. It was a lesson in what I don't need and how to survive without my worldly possessions.  When the only space you have is a bedroom of smallish proportions you learn to prioritise what means most to you.

I didnt give up my house lightly, I loved it, I loved that the renos were done and it looked how I wanted it to but I was in a not so good place after things went wrong with 'that guy I dated for 3 1/2 yrs'  he turned out to be something else.......something that after entering my house 6 months after the relationship ended and doing despicable things required a tresspass order to be told what he had done was not ok and not acceptable. I have never had to take those steps before and never had an intruder before. My home was my sanctuary, it was where I shut out the world and was at peace. My two little dogs and I were happy there until then..I no longer felt safe and my home was tainted. I doubt I will ever live in that house again now, so much has changed in the last 14 months since I left there. I still love the house and do miss it but life is moving in a different direction now......a more southerly direction

Footnote for the curious* That Guy!! it was discovered he had a profile on a couple of internet sites that said he was in an open relationship and looking for entertainment, this and a couple of other very disturbing developments in his thought processes of what was acceptable in a relationship caused the breakdown of the relationship*

Anyhoo here I am still kicking along and living a good life.

Go-Betty

BFF

Can you imagine your life without your best friend? I cant. I had a thing a couple of weeks back where, while waiting for some biopsy results, it could have been a posibility, it didnt bare thinking about. Every time the thought crossed my mind it was shoved aside as feeling so totally wrong that I felt that the results would be good. Thank all the gods they were all negative results, negative in the best way possible that is.
Our Best friends
the ones who laugh with us and cry with us, the ones who hold us while we fall apart and shelter us when we are so vulnerable.
The ones we share secrets with, who dont judge us for what we say and who we are or what we do.
BF's, the ones who understand and if they dont they just accept anyway.
Best Friends, the ones we go to in the middle of the night because they called us.
the ones we can disagree with without it becoming an arguement.
The ones we can party hard with and share the agony of the next day hangover.
The ones we eat popcorn and icecream with and sing out loud at concerts with, still.
Best friends, just about the closest thing to unconditional love you will ever get from another human being.

I love my best friend, she has enriched my life for over 33 years and we plan on carrying this on for many years more.

To my bestest,

Loved you then.
Love you still.
Always have.
Always will.

Romancing the Stone- because maybe I am a whingy bitch!

I dont think I am a selfish person, maybe I am, maybe I am a bit self centred who knows? Tomorrow is Valentines day and I rushed home from work to bake DG a big batch of shortbread which he loves, cutting it all out into heart shapes, not an expensive gift but one I thought was given some thought. Shortbread in the oven baking and I am making a lasangne ready to put in the oven when the shortbread comes out when the phone rings and it's DG. Pleasantries exchanged, he launches in to saying, ahhh 2 things, 1 if Cory (his son) wants to attend this party next saturday night with Ben, I will take them both and pick them up the next morning"....thats fine I am more than happy with that but then number 2 strikes.

" I havent done anything for you for Valentines day, I dont do Valentines day and all that palava. Alan at work has carved this lovely wooden rose for Fiona his girlfriend, he's made a really nice job of it and last year he took her to the beach first thing in the am with a picnic breakfast to watch the sun rise. Alan is good at thinking of things like that but I am not really bothered"

It kinda bit me a little because at Christmas he informed me he wasnt into Christmas and never bothered with buying Christmas presents for anyone. In Sept on our anniversary I suggested we go somewhere for dinner and got, "I dont really do anniversaries" Around my birthday in August he kept trying to buy me something if we were out saying "I dont do birthdays but if you want I will buy that for you and it can be an early birthday present or something"

Now, I am sorry if I sound mean and shallow but I would like to get something on my birthday thats a surprise, that has been chosen for me. I have gone 14 years without a birthday present or a christmas present unless I bought something for myself. At Christmas when I got the "I dont really do Christmas" speal I just said "Well it's not just all about you is it."

Last year DG came out and we went and had Pizza on the beach but it was because he had been told he had to do something for me by his sister apparently.

I am dissapointed, I like surprises of the good kind, not expensive but effort made with some thought, even effort made with minimal thought would be something. So now I am wondering do I say anything or do I just shut up and not be so much of a moo.

I know its all commercial gobble but it makes you feel special if some small token effort is made doesnt it. I know its not the be all end all, but honestly I am wondering what special occasion he actually does mark if any at all. It's dissapointing to think birthdays, anniversaries, christmases, special occasions, etc will be non events from now on.

Oh add Easter to that list too. :-S

PS yes I did get a lovely big bunch of flowers on my birthday which made my day and was a huge surprise, but then got told his sister had threatened him with physical pain if he didnt at least get me flowers for my birthday so again it wasnt his idea he had to be forced into the gesture.

A long time ago when the earth was green.

Belated Happy New Year to anyone who is reading this.
When I find myself in a better head space I will blog more but right now positivity eludes me so I will not write negatively.

Its a flower on one of my Cactii

From A to Z or the chronicles of his school years.

Momentus occasion, another milestone, another scare at the passing of time

My one and only, pride and joy, utter frustration had his last ever day at school yesterday......huge. His school years are over and now it is off to University next year. While he still has his final exams to sit school is officially over for the seniors

I remember his first day at school, I shed a tear, he didnt. By the end of the first week I wasnt even allowed to get out of the car when I dropped him off let alone escort him to class. Mr Independent from day 1

His first year teacher dispaired of him, telling me she couldnt understand how he thought, there were things like when they had to line up to walk into class he would be in line but two paces to the left of the line instead of directly behind the person in front. As far as he was concerned he was in line standing straight and smart. He used to finish his work before the others so he would do their work for them so they would all get finished and the teacher could move on to the next thing, in his mind there was nothing wrong with helping others so they could all move forward.

He topped the school in his primary years, All Excellence Award his prize, dux of the primary school. He loved school and worked hard but always maintained a slightly left field sense of humour that was not always understood. I remember he had to do a newspaper article one year so him and his mate took a photo of Ben and photoshopped Bin Ladens beard and turban onto Ben's image and did a piece about Ben Laden bribing politicians. In my mind it showed these 10 year olds were aware of world happenings and the article had humour in it, to some it was totally inappropriate.

I remember at 12 he had long hair and his teacher told him that the school rules said if the hair was below the collar it had to be tied up, thinking Ben would get a haircut. Ben came home and asked me for some hair ties and put his hair in a ponytail for school each day.

In his last year of intermediate school we moved to Beachlands and to a new school a third of the way through the year. The seniors did a big end of year production and Ben was determined to get a part in it. For the audition they had to sing or recite something. Ben wrote all the words to Cat Stevens-Father and Son and sang it over and over to the CD until he had it right for the audition. Everyone else sang the national anthem or a nursery song. He got the lead role and had 3 solos and 2 duets to sing. I have the CD of that show and I have to say I sat in the audience that night holding back the tears as my heart burst with pride. Not so much when the picture arrived in the letter box from a teacher of Ben during a school field trip where they had to take a packed lunch. My son took a can of fruit salad and a can opener for lunch. (at least he thought long enough to take a can opener was my first thought, that and it was fruit in natural juice not in syrup)

High School started, my words of advice were "Ben, it is time to be noticed for your achievements not your clowning around now. Keep your head down and work hard, dont mark yourself as the class clown"

2 months in there was the school sports day and he arrived home to tell me he had spent the day in fairy wings and a tiara, but had redeemed himself by winning the 100 metre sprint but only because he was wearing his lucky fairy wings and tiara at the time. This time the photo arrived from his teacher via email.

And so on through his high school years, wearing a dress for Shakespear day, singing Dora the Explorer to his math teacher Ms Dormer. Getting a 2 week bus ban for punching a kid in the face because this kid was hassling someone on the bus and when Ben stuck up and said leave him alone the other kid spat in Ben's face, Ben lashed out. I didnt condone it but I understood it. His teachers stood by him saying it was not in his nature to be violent and he was provoked. Telling a young single graduate teacher that 'he' was her happy place when she was stressed and saying she was going to her happy place during class one day. Making the first XI football team and vice captain, then being made captain the following year. This his final year, always in trouble for not shaving being threatened with being stood down if he didnt shave, not turning up to school until lunchtime once he got his car (Sorry Miss I was busy sleeping). The fights and arguments trying to get him to study and watching his grades fall way below where they should be for one so bright. He has been ready to leave school for a while now, it has been a struggle to keep him there this last year. If he had applied himself he would get good marks, all I can hope for now is that he passes with enough marks to get into one of the Universities that is holding a place for him.

His last day was full of antics and high jinks but none of it harmful or destructive to property or person. He got kicked out of school four times on his last day the final one he was accused of was one he hadnt been involved in (water bombs) but by then I think the teachers were asking all the seniors to just go home.

The best story so far I think is watching the teachers bend down to try and pick up the 20 cent coin he glued to the pavement right outside the main office doors.

Ben your school years are ones you will look back on and remember as some of the best. I hope you never loose your sense of humour and your ability to make others laugh. Dont be a sheep son always dance to the beat of your own drum.

It's been a while, lets sit and talk some time away.

It's been some time since I last wrote and it is not because nothing has been going on, in reality many things have happened in the last few months and at times I have started to write but then I have decided not to hit the publish button. Sometimes I worry that I sound like a big old disaster area as all these things have happened to me over the past year and they seem at times so negative. I think of myself as a positive person but when someone commented about hiding the sharp knives from me the other week after having such a bad run of things lately it made me wonder how others perceive me. I write to get things out of my head sometimes and I value the comments that come back to me as they always cheer or give me a different viewpoint to consider. So I will write and while what you may read might make you think oh ffs this person is like a walking doom cloud, remember I dont write it that way, I am not down, I just share the reality of what happens. It's not all bad stuff I have a lot of really great stuff too. So here goes, but remember dont cry for me Argentina.

My one listed follower on this blog is my Aunty Sue, after a family issue when my dad died 26 years ago I never saw dads brother and his wife (sue) for 20 years although my sisters did. It transpired a few years ago that my younger sister , bless her heart, built a bridge and I was reunited with my all time fav uncle of my childhood and his wife. Sue and I became fast friends and emailed several times a day, I went on dates and she waited eagerly for updates and we giggled like schoolgirls over it even though she was 15 years my senior. Sue and Jim have been a huge part of my life in the last 4 years I saw them several times a week, went there for xmas and birthdays and dinners all the time. In June this year, My darling Aunty Sue was diagnosed with lung cancer, she had not smoked for over 25 years but there it was, it only took 3 months to consume her and she died in September. I miss her so very dearly but I am extremely happy I got the 4 years with her before this happened. It was thanks to Suzy in part that I went on the second and third date with Dynamo Guy, she told me even though he wasnt what I normally was attracted too to persist because he sounded like a nice guy. Thank you Sue, I am so glad I listened.

Ben my darling son, you frustrate the hell out of me, since your 18 birthday you have become a pain in the arse even if I love you beyond measure. 18 means you can be tried as an adult if you find yourself in court and that you can buy alcohol and go to bars, it does not mean you can stop using manners and treating others with courtesy and respect, that is a lifelong thing ok? Dont waste your life, make it count, it's ok to live in the here and now but always have the future in mind and pay heed to where you want that future to take you and what you need to do to make it happen. Your life is yours, dont burn bridges, treat people with respect, be aware of your shortcomings and work to make them not so short. Dreams dont just happen, work to make them happen for you.

And to the now...... I was made redundant again, well almost I resigned before it happened because I have found a new job. Earlier this year it gutted me to be made redundant but I was lucky enough to land on my feet with not only 3 months salary payout but a job to walk into a week later. It was a casual contract, but with the hope something permanent would come along, there were plans....they never worked out. The training institute I have been working at has undergone a major restructure and my job was in jeopardy, so I started looking. I wanted something close to home again, for me this means 30 min drive because I am a fringe dweller, outer fringes. I decided to step back from the corporate world and go low key again, drop in salary but more than my casual contract gave me. I have now a job as an office manager for an engineering firm 30 mins from home. Its a smaller company owned and operated by two directors from big engineering backgrounds who decided to get together and have their own business. Its building up steadily, the books show either level or increase in business during the last 5 years, a good sign in a recession. It seems low key and varied and busy, my kind of space. I start on November 7 which is really good because I have damaged my lower back and the Dr has put me off work for 2 weeks with instructions to either lay flat, or stand with some walking. I am not to sit or drive or lift or carry or bend or stretch or do anything much for two weeks.....bored already on day 3. Of course this means no money coming in for at least 2 weeks but I have my stash from my payout which will keep me covered for now. My new job I get paid monthly which kinda sucks cause I am used to fortnightly but I can adjust. If nothing else I am an adjustable doll. Just like Barbie with bendable arms and legs only without the hourglass figure and disproportionate legs.

And lastly on September 1 a year ago I met Dynamo Guy for a coffee for the first time. So it has now been over a year and he is still around, some kinda record for me. He has been my rock and my anchor and the oil on stormy waters. He is one of the best. I hope he sticks around cause I like the way things are and the fun we have together. Its not been easy the last few months and he has had to do a bit of propping up emotionally but he has done it superbly and now its onwards and upwards into a bright new day.

So ends my mini novel of doom and gloom.

Now I am going to rise slowly from my supine position and go in search of cheese and crackers. :)

Help! Significant Teenage Birthday Looming.........

I have a small issue.

Next week is my son's 18th birthday (omg 18??? where the hell did that go?)

Yes it shocks me when I look at him and think he is turning 18 next week. Sometimes I long to go back to his younger preteen days when he was this happy, chatty, chirpy, full of life, no stopping me kid. I am not really coping so well with the teenage angsting and sulleness and sulks and hatey parent attitude but aside from all that my problem is this...

What the hell do I get him for his birthday???

I have no idea! He never asks for anything and if I ask him what he would like he says he doesnt know and there is nothing he really needs or wants. Even when he was little he never used to say I want this or I want that for my birthday so he hasnt been easy to buy for at times. Over his teen years things like an MP3 player, media player, or low end cell phone have done the trick but for his 18th I feel it's gotta be something a bit special.

So please if anyone has any ideas or ask your partners/husbands or older sons what they think would be a good present for him.

No not a car please he has one already so does not need another and mothers budget wouldnt stretch to it anyway.

When your heart bleeds for your children.

Where I live in Beachlands, it's a small coastal community. Our kids all went to school together and know each other. They go to the same parties now they are teens and play in the same sports teams.

This past weekend there was a car accident out our way involving two 18 year old boys, one didnt survive. He wasnt wearing a seatbelt and for some inexplicable reason they didnt have their headlights on even though it was 12.30am at night. Playing silly buggars my dad would have said. The result of this and other factors I am sure that will come to light is that the car met a tree at speed not even 3 kms from home.

Watching your child grieve for a friend is a hard thing to do. My parents went through it when my best friend was hit by a car crossing the road on her way home from work when I was 16 and now I understand their helplessness.

Watching Ben swing from anger, to disbelief, to deep sadness and a collage of other emotions is hard, he lost his appetite, the boys all came together and just sat staring at the ground saying very little, they had nothing to say as they each struggled with coming to terms with it. Ben is so angry at his mates for being so dumb, and struggles to make sense of it all. He worries about the driver who is quite likely facing jail time because of the accident. I know this boy well, he was a regular at our home and one of the boys who always calls me Mum. He's a polite boy, quietly spoken, who always came and had a chat with me when he came to visit Ben, a good kid essentially, but one who has done something so incredibly silly and misguided in the teenagers belief of being invincible. He doesnt belong in jail I feel, but how do you make reparation for such as this?

I worry about Ben when he is out with mates, they have a sober driver system and they stick to it, hopefully they will continue to stick to it. I have told Ben that if ever he is out and the sober driver drinks, he is to ring me, no matter what the time is or where they are and I will come and pick them up and get them all home. It's the same thing my parents said to me as a teenager and I understand why they felt this way having a teenager of my own now.

It's true you dont sleep until they are home safely.

Two Headed Bitch Troll from Hell with Fish.

Ok so this was me on Saturday last. I dont know if it was PMS or what but I was a total cow and I would have left me standing on the side of the road outside the builders yard which was a 30 minute drive from my place. DG however did not, although I think he wondered what the hell had hit him at times during the day. I was short tempered and snappy and just a total troll.

I wanted to get things done and get home, I had borrowed a friends ute to pick some building stuff up and was concious I shouldnt be too long but I kept getting sidetracked either by me or DG but mostly me and then I got grumpy with me about it and he who was there had to weather the storm. It is not often I get like this but sometimes, I just want to chew the head of a bird and yell at everyone around me.

Also I dont like the way DG organised the fish tank however I bit my tongue and let him do it as I had been so mean and bossy and do it my way!!! all day I thought I should really let the poor bastard cop a break you know?

I had fish in a little tank in the kitchen but got a second hand tank off trademe, a NZ Auction site a bit like ebay. So Saturday we decided to get another couple of fish to keep the biggest one company. DG suggested it needed more plants as it was looking sparse after the relocation. So I got plants and driftwood and extra fish and then we went home and I sat quietly by while he tried to artistically landscape the new tank. I didnt like it and I thought about rearranging it after he left on Sunday night but decided not to be so petty and to learn to compromise after doing things my way for, oh the last 14 or so years.

So as you can see my inner bitch is still lurking dangerously close to the surface. Yes I am due and no I am not normally this much of a moo about it.

Sunday I played nice all day and made DG coffee and held bits of cupboard while he assembled. We sent the boys off to the local golf resort to play tennis and swim and work out at the gym so they werent bugging us by lying in Ben's room playing on the PS3 when they could be helping outside which would have most certainly made me get grumpy with Ben.

Nice me has gone on vacation it would seem and Poison Ivy me has taken up residence with barely concealed inner bitchiness struggling to surface.
I really dont like myself when I get like this and dont want to be friends with me somedays.

Doughies- Go Bettys Kitchen.

Ok today the recipe is not so much from the excesses of my garden, well not at all really.

Today I am going to share a recipe for doughies or fried bread. I know it sounds hideously gross and dripping with oil and fatness but it really isnt and makes for a yummy dessert.

This is dead easy to make and a great pudding. (Littlies love them to munch on)

I serve it with Golden Syrup and either icecream or whipped cream.

Doughies.
2 Cups Flour
2 Teaspoons Baking Powder
1/2 Teaspoon of salt.
Warm water. (Add 1/2 a cup to start. If you make it too soft just add a handful of flour to bind it again)

Mix the flour , baking powder and salt with enough warm water to make a soft dough. Knead lightly and then let sit for about 30 mins.

In a medium saucepan place about 2 inches of vegetable oil or rice bran oil.
Heat until a small piece or ordinary bread dropped into the oils starts browning.

Cut off 1 inch bits of the dough and flatten with fingers to about 1 cm disk.
Place into the hot oil and cook turning when light golden colour. (They will puff up)

Remove when cooked and place on draining paper.

When cooked place into dessert plates drizzle over golden Syrup and spoon on whipped cream or icecream.
Alternatively have syrup and cream in separate dishes and let people dip their doughies into each before popping into le bouche.

These are almost like a doughnut type of thing so you can do the sugar and cinnamon or whatever type of finishing you would like.

Cooks Note:
I am going to try making these and putting a dollop of jam into the flattened disk and folding it over and pinching together and cooking so they hopefully have a jammy filling in the middle. (Lemon Honey might be a bit nice in the middle too)

Enjoy and once again let me know if you try the recipes I post and what you think.

For Crying Down the Kitchen Sink, from Go-Betty's Garden.

I have decided to add something into my blog. I have a rather large vegetable garden 7.5 metres by 2.5 metres and harvest from it all year round. As this provides rather more than two sometimes 4 require I either give away the excess, bottle it, pickle it, or jam it or swap it with someone for something I havent grown. When boredom of a particular vegetable sets in I go hunting for something interesting and different to do with it.

I have decided to share some of my recipes with anyone who reads this blog. I am not an accomplished cook by any means, in fact I am considered the worst cook in my family just ask the sisters, they laugh at my cooking.

Anyway this means the recipes are not going to be gourmet, they will be easy, quick and hopefully interesting.

Todays Recipes are dedicated to Keanie Beanie and her man and his pechant for growing the gorgeous courgette.

Zucchini Chocolate Brownie which is rather too yummy and never last more than a day at home, and a yummy easy Courgette Lasagne Bake that is oh so tasty and simple to make.

Ok so you are over run with courgettes/Zucchini's or you let a couple of them get too big. Easy turn them into something like these. (If they got too big chop out the part with the seeds though cause they can be tough)

Zucchini Chocolate Brownie
(I don’t use the walnuts, Ben doesn’t like it with nuts. I also mix it all in the kitchen whizz, it’s quick and easy and very moist)
Ingredients
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 1/2 cups fine (castor) white sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 ½ cups shredded zucchini
1/2 cup chopped walnuts (Optional)

6 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1/4 cup margarine
2 cups confectioners' sugar
1/4 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour a 9x13 inch baking pan.
2. In a large bowl, mix together the oil, sugar and 2 teaspoons vanilla until well blended. Combine the flour, 1/2 cup cocoa, baking soda and salt; stir into the sugar mixture. Fold in the zucchini and walnuts. Spread evenly into the prepared pan.
3. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes in the preheated oven, until brownies spring back when gently touched. To make the frosting, melt together the 6 tablespoons of cocoa and margarine; set aside to cool. In a medium bowl, blend together the confectioners' sugar, milk and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla. Stir in the cocoa mixture. Spread over cooled brownies before cutting into squares.

Try this warm with Vanilla Ice Cream....then add 20 mins to your exercise regime lol.

Creamy Courgette Lasagne.

(Even Ben who hates courgettes went back for seconds with this one)

Ingredients
· 9 dried lasagne sheets ( I use fresh Lasagne sheets)
· 1 tbsp sunflower oil
· 1 onion , finely chopped
· 700g courgettes (about 6), coarsely grated
· 2 garlic cloves , crushed
· 250g tub ricotta
· 50g cheddar
· 350g jar tomato sauce for pasta

Heat oven to 220C/fan 200C/gas 7. Put a pan of water on to boil, then cook the lasagne sheets for about 5 mins until softened, but not cooked through. Rinse in cold water, then drizzle with a little oil to stop them sticking together.
Meanwhile, heat the oil in a large frying pan, then fry the onion. After 3 mins, add the courgettes and garlic and continue to fry until the courgette has softened and turned bright green. Stir in 2/3 of both the ricotta and the cheddar, then season to taste. Heat the tomato sauce in the microwave for 2 mins on High until hot.
In a large baking dish, layer up the lasagne, starting with half the courgette mix, then pasta, then tomato sauce. Repeat, top with blobs of the remaining ricotta, then scatter with the rest of the cheddar. Bake on the top shelf for about 10 mins until the pasta is tender and the cheese is golden.

Ok so that's it for todays recipes.

Please try them and let me know how you get on.

Random bits of nothing much.

I have been swimming, yes it is winter over here but I joined a sports complex that has an indoor pool, gym, sauna, indoor tennis and squash courts. I love the water you see and find it incredibly therapeutic and relaxing, and its exercise I enjoy so I keep going back for more. I am currently swimming just under 1km a night.
One good thing is Benny joined with me and comes down in the evenings and swims with me and uses the gym as well. It's kinda nice my nearly 18yr old actually likes to hang out with me in the pool and talk about his day and whats going on in Ben's world. One special thing he shared that made me quietly proud of him was that he and his best mate Cam are going to help out at an after school programme for special needs kids on a friday afternoon.
Good on them I say, the kids will enjoy the older boys and its not many 17 year olds would give up friday afternoon to do something like this. Once more through these tumultous, terrifying teenager monstor years I am reminded that inside that little monster beats a good heart.

The pic is of my window in my office at work. My plants make a cheerful mid winter display I thought. My visitors seat is right beside a large window that the sunlight streams through when its out and I have been told its nice to sit there in the sun for a few minutes and listen to my radio. I would charge but what price a little peace and happiness in a rough day? It's nice they enjoy the ambience of my office lol. I am enjoying myself in my job its so nice to enjoy getting up and coming to work for a change.

The tree pic is the Ginko Tree outside my office window, all turned golden yellow and glowing. I took this pic two weeks ago so now the tree is a forlorn looking naked branchy thing now. Not nearly as appealing.

Dynamo Guy and I are going to Australia for a week in August for a bit of a break which will be very nice and I am looking forward to it and not being tempted by any of the sales over here so I have some spending money to take with me. I am hoping to catch up with some old friends from my childhood while over there so am really looking forward to that too.

And lastly I am going to start blogging some of my fav recipes as I harvest from my large vege garden over winter. They arent flash gourmet meals but more working mum quick, easy, tasy recipes with a few pickling and bottling and jamming recipes thrown in when I need to use the excess. So watch out for my first recipe .....a yummy moist chocolate zucchinni brownie....dangerously yummo!

Messing with Macros

http://www.blogger.com/%3Ca

I dont know if the button will work but here is my Macro shot.

Just snapped while trialling the work camera before my boss takes it to a conference this week.

The Orange flower is the Kanlankoe plant and the white one is a Cyclamen, They sit on my office windowsill.

Crisp and Crunchy Autumn and the Beauty of Youth.

I love Autumn, even though it is getting colder I love the fresh brisk mornings when the air smells clean and the dew is heavy on the lawn. This morning there was an amazing sunrise. Ok I know red in the morning is a shepherds warning so it means rain is on the way but it was gorgeous, the whole sky was this glorious mash up of orange and red and pink and bruisey purple. I stood on my back deck with my cup of tea and breathed in the cool fresh morning air and it made me feel so good and alive and grateful. I love the colours of autumn and this morning they seemed to be especially vivid the green grass was ludicrisly green and the colours coming through on the trees seemed to almost glow. Natures last big display before it rests for a while and sleeps.

On my drive home there is a spot where liquid ambers (trees) line both sides of the road and at the moment they are all colours of amber, red, rust and yellow. Every autumn I say to myself I must stop the car and take a picture of these trees because they are something I look forward to seeing on my drive home after work before it gets too dark. They are surrounded by paddocks and hills and they are a special spot that never fails to delight, even in spring when they sprout with all kinds of lime green of new spring growth. This year I might just take that photo.

In my new job I have my own office and I look out onto a grassy area of the faculty and there is a lovely big gingko tree with its fan shaped leaves just outside the window. It's kinda a nice view I think. I even like it at recess when the students are out lounging on the grass talking and throwing or kicking a ball around. It doesnt interupt the view it adds to it. Watching them laughing, talking, holding hands and enjoying their lives before the grind of the realities of adulthood set in makes me smile, they really havent a care in the world except their next assignment or exam and their friends.

Anyway above is a picture from my office window you can see the tree and the grassy knoll as I call it and the business faculty building. Every morning I come in and open my old window (the building is over 100 years old) and let the fresh morning air in for a while. We are not supposed to have windows open as they have started the boilers up to heat the classrooms and offices around campus but I hate stuffy rooms and I love fresh air so until I get growled at by faculty maintenance I will sneak a few hours of fresh autumn air while I can because soon enough the rain will be here and it will be too cold and wet to open windows and the view will change yet again. We dont get snow here in Auckland but I wish we did, imagine that view capped with snow, it would be so pretty. The only snow I see is the man made stuff when I go to the indoor skiiing and boarding place.

Anyway as you can probably tell I am in a great place right now and I really do appreciate what I have and that I am here to enjoy it, and that I have people to share it with.

Happy Autumn to all in the southern hemisphere and to the northerners happy spring time.

The Bright Side.

On the upside of life of which I seem to be right now, about bloody time too I feel, things are moving in a good direction. The carpet went down a couple of weeks ago but I was wallowing too much to enjoy it overly much at the time whereas now I enjoy walking on that ever so spongy soft warm stuff every night when I get home. The dogs love it so much they dont sleep in their beds they drag their blankets out onto the floor and sleep there.

The weather has turned disgusting, its wet and cold and although people told me that new carpet would make a difference to the warmth of my house I didnt think it would be so marked. Loving it!

The teenager who lives in my house is being sort of reasonable right now which is always pleasant.

Seriously anyone who has kids or teens should get the Nigel Latta books about raising kids and teens, amazingly insightful in the most hilariously funny way. I now understand my teen is just like mad uncle jack and that he's really literally not right in the head and that he has a half formed walnut type of brain. Even if you dont have kids get them and read them if only to make yourself laugh.

Osama Bin Laden is dead. You took my David so you deserved to die but I will not acknowledge your life by celebrating your death you were the worst of pond scum.

I have been offered a job as assistant to the Academic Director at the Institute where I am working, more money , more stability job wise, all good.

Still blissfully happy with the Dynamo Guy who is still being the best boyfriend ever. Whats that? Nearly 8 months already. Shesh time flies.

It seems the swing is coming around to the positive side of life again thankfully.

Without Dark there is no Light.

Life's ups and downs

Hopefully I will do a better job of staying on this side for a while yet.

Free to good, kind, tolerant, understanding home...

One 17.5 year old teenager
Male,
Unable to be housetrained
Lazy
Rude
Obnoxious
Disrespectful
Potty mouthed

Is physically fit and active but only when activity involves Football or Girls.
Unfortunately this particular edition lacks some of the better qualities that others editions seem to have.
I have no manual or operating instructions and have never been able to get this particular item to function satisfactorily hence the give away.

Comes with 3x5packs of 2 minute noodle snacks.

Is there a meaning to all this, what is the purpose?

I have struggled for the last couple of weeks, struggled to understand why things happen to the people they happen to. On tuesday the week before last a friend went out with a mate on an early, 5.30 am morning cycle ride. Less than 2 km from home he hit a rock lying on the road that in the just pre dawn light he didnt see. It threw him off his bike onto his head and he died almost but not quite instantly. He was 48, married with 3 teenage daughters whom he totally utterly adored and lived for. One of the best guys I have ever had the privilidge to know.
I have struggled with Tony's death, I have ranted and raved at the universe when there are so many other people that are a total waste of space why does a guy who loves his family, lives a simple life, loves the simple things and is loved by everyone, why was it his turn? What sense is there in that?

My son is 17, he has an 8 year old half brother whom he sees when he visits his dad every second weekend and in the holidays. Although there is an age gap Ben is very protective of his little brother.
Little brother's Mum doesnt live with the dad (my ex-husband) anymore, hasnt done for a number of years but the boys spend time together with their dad regularly and Ben has always got on ok with little brothers Mum. Ben is with this dad this week and little brother is there too. They took little brother home to his mum yesterday and now comes the sucky part......little brothers Mum has terminal cancer, her pancreas and spine, and at 47 has been told she has 12 months max. She is a single mum with an 8 year old boy. Where is the sense in that? What purpose is leaving that little 8 year old boy without a Mummy going to serve?

And so I question reason and sense right now and wonder if there is a god or a higher power and if they are so benevolent why dont they interfere with our lives occasionally so that these things dont happen to the people they shouldnt happen to?
I know this sort of thing happens to people all over the world every day, I understand that, I understand terrible things happen to the least deserving of it at times and I bet they question the sense of it too.

Visited by the gods of twisted metal

It's Firkin Freezing today and some dickwipe smashed into my car. Seriously I walked out into the carpark after work on Monday and looked at my car parked halfway over the curb and thought to myself "Why is the front of my car up on the walkway, ffs surely I didnt park it like that this morning I would have felt it hit the curb as it went up surely. Shit, who is watching me walk to my car to see who the dickhead is who parked their car halfway over the footpath??" Anyway as I neared my car I saw a piece of paper fluttering behind the windsheild wiper. it read... " Please contact security, we have details on the person who hit your car" HIT MY CAR!!! I yell in my brain as I run to the back of my car to discover twisted craked and bent fender. Not happy me. Anyway all sorted and in the loving hands of the panel beater as I write and it was nice to be told by the witness who got the dickheads details that his car looked way worse than mine. On another completely random tangent... It's firkin freezing today, the sun is out but the southerly wind is blowing and freezing and I loath and detest being cold and I am very cold today, even my fingers and legs feel cold and I have trousers on. Its only 10.30 am and I have eaten most of my lunch because I was cold and wanted warmth although what warmth is to be had from a a marmite sandwich and a muesli bar I am not quite sure. Now I am sitting here freezing my tits off............Clunk!............Clunk! Yep there they go.

Apparently whiteware makes it official

DG arrived at my place the night before last, unusual in itself as we dont see each other during the week due to work/study/sport training etc, but anyway he rocks up with ingredients for dinner,a bottle of wine and a clothes dryer. Yes you read it right, a clothes dryer.

I dont have a clothes dryer and last winter was hell in a handbasket trying to dry stuff as we had several months without a single fine day and I had clothes airers all over the house and the place did look a little like a chinese laundry to be honest. Ben and I were watching TV around the clothes airers and DG remembered this from our early conversations while he was still living in Australia last winter and last weekend was very rainy, all weekend, I didnt do any washing because I didnt want to be hanging laundry all over the house in front of him lol.

DG decided this wasnt good enough for me that I needed to be able to get my washing done without stressing about it getting dry and felt that part of his 'winterisation of my home' plan was to install a decent sized dryer for me. So he went out and bought me a clothes dryer and set it up for me. So I did a load of washing just to try the dryer out and while we were sitting there drinking the bottle of wine and watching the dryer going around and around and marvelling at its reverse spin to minimise tangling action, he commented on the symbolism of whiteware purchasing and mused out loud if this made it official, us being boyfriend and girlfriend. I said I thought it kinda symbolised a bit more than just BF and GF to which he grinned at me and topped up my glass and planted a smooch.

I havent stopped smiling since.

Kankles are encased.

Anyone who knows me knows I envy those who can wear boots above the ankles. I cant or rather have never found any I could get done up past my solid hefty ankles, even when slimmer my calves created a problem and so have never owned a pair of lovely up to the knee boots and have hated people who have gorgeous boots and strut about looking so trendy, hate you I say or rather hated that you can and I cant not hated you directly because I am sure you are all lovely people even if you do have enviable legs.

Last friday night I stopped at the mall on the way home, not something I do often as I hate shopping and crowds of people but I had the urge to look around and they had a sale on manchester and I needed some new sheets.

Anyway after buying my sheets I ventured further into the mall feeling brave and decided to go and have a look in a shop called City Chic, its for bigger girls and the stock mainly young peoples clothes but I occasionally buy a pair of work trousers or a top there that isnt too young.

I was trying on a pair of jeans and lamenting to the girl that they would look good tucked into a pair of knee length boots but alas I could never find any to find my huge legs. On which she smiled and said hey guess what?? we have just stocked 2 different styles of boot for larger legs......omg omg omg I nearly wet myself as I thought I might maybe be able to get into a pair. Anyway the sales assistant brought me both styles to try on and they FIT !!! I could zip them all the way up the side of my leg. They fit me!

Then I asked how much they were :-( ouch!!!!!

Very spendy, more spendy than I have ever spent on a single item other than furniture :-(

I tried on both styles several times, and tried them on with dresses and skirts and jeans and fell totally in love with a pair and tried so hard to not spend....but then I thought to myself.

I havent spent any of my redundancy money cause I need to save it, I have not wasted a single red cent. I have wanted and tried on so many pairs of boots over the years only to be so dissapointed when they didnt fit and although I could have paid a lot and got a pair made I have always thought no its too extravagant.

The more I tried them on the more excited I got and thought about how much wear I could get out of a pair of these boots. It's like I had the little red guy sitting on one shoulder and the little guy in white on the other, I was literally mentally arguing with myself over spending this amount of money on a pair of boots. I was all "you havent got a real job dont be so bloody stupid what are you 16??" and then I was " they are real leather not cheap imitation crap and they will last for years so spread the cost out over several years and it doesnt seem so extravagant and you will wear them lots and lots so they will be worth every penny"

The red guy won.

Then to ratify that it was a good choice I walked out of the shop and went into the supermarket to get some things and a guy walked past me and said " hey nice boots, they look great!" Now was that not telling me I had made the right choice?