Cinderella wants her Slipper back

Oh My oh my. Senior school ball time over the weekend. My gorgeous son wanted to wear all black and picked out the fabric for mum to make his tie, then it was all "oh mum I need one of those matching pocket hankie thingy's too please. So ok Damn! suit hire is expensive at School Ball time, and there was new shirt, socks and dress shoes of course because when your son lives in jandals , sneakers or soccerboots there is just no need for swanky smart shoes. I owe my wallet an IOU.

So anyway there is Benny all gussied up and looking every bit his age and more and there's mum in the corner with a tear in her eye cause her little man isnt anymore but boy oh boy! he looked so smart.

Normally I dont get to see this, I get the smelly manky soccer gear, jeans that should have been washed a month ago and a bedroom that is a swamphole. To see him all dressed up was lovely. To see the photos taken on the night of all the fun and revellry, even better. Until I got to the 'afterball' party photos. Oh me Oh my.... mum sat there and said not a thing...........I was too damn busy scrapping my jaw off the floor lol. Still it wasnt so bad and he is after all 17 and a boy and there are some things a mum just doesnt need to be so aware of no? ANyway here is Ben looking very smart, and here is on the way to the afterball function.....take note this is on the way to, you dont want to see the pictures from the actual event itself. lol.

All Sunshine and Happiness and little Babies

I went to a Naming Ceremony yesterday. Good friends who live across the road. Their first child and she is the most happy, adorable wee thing. As I stood there listening to Emma's parents pledge their love and support for the rest of their lives it struck me that they were embarking on a journey I started 17 years ago when my son Ben was born. I drifted back to the first moment I held my son after a long and difficult birth that caused some amount of panic at the maternity wing of the hospital and my eyes teared up because I can remember so vividly the awe and wonder and overwelming love I had for this tiny wee thing I held. Right there listening to my friends and watching the people around them who had children at the ceremony, I saw every single Mum and Dad either reach out and put a hand on their child or seek them out with a look that was filled so obviously with the crystal clear memory of their arrival. I watched as Mums and Dads glanced at each other and shared a secret smile, both remembering that magical moment in their lives and I saw Dads take hold of Mums hands and put their arms protectively around their partners waists. I watched a group of people for a moment in time, all flash back to a moment in their lives when it all began for them. The journey of parenthood.
17 years later for me and I have a son who every day in his life does me proud. He works hard to achieve his goals and has the determination and drive to succeed at whatever he desires.
As any parent knows it's not a path of roses and honey but its a path that exceeds all others in satisfaction. Every step they take, every achievement they have and every slip up they make is woven into our hearts with a gossamer thread that is so strong it will never break. Every heartbreak and dissapointment they suffer, we feel it. They are an individual but an intangible extension of us.
So 17 years on my darling son, my heart still bursts with love for you, and although we dont always agree on things I love the adult you are becoming and see in you a young man who takes his responsibilities seriously and who will learn by any mistakes made. I am proud of you and of who you are. You are to me simply the best person in the world!
I still want you to clean up that swamp hole you call a bedroom!!
I love you Ben.

Just walk away

Thats what I say, let it go, just walk away. Whenever someone tries to wind me up and upset me. I say it to myself but dont always manage to walk away quick enough to be honest, but this time, this time I think I have done it, I closed a door yesterday which has let the sunshine back into my life after so many months of black clouds looming. It felt good to do it, I dont know why I didnt do it sooner to be honest. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I spoke words and wrote down what I needed to to purge myself of the last vestiges of the insidious thing that dwelled in my person and I let go. I watched it float away like a silk scarf floating down a cliff face. It wasnt a harsh tear or a drop it was a gentle relaxed floating, moving beyond my fingertips with no hope of clawing it back and clinging to the pain a little bit longer wrapping the misery around me like a blanket. It went peacefully leaving me feeling good and light.
I am back. That which suffocated me is gone now. My smile is real and no longer hides constant worry, its real.
This past weekend being the Autumn Equinox was a good time to clear out that which no longer serves a purpose. A celebration to spring clean the heart and soul and welcome balance back into my life.
A saying I read. ' I now know that for every dark night of the soul a new sunrise will be there in the morning' Fitting I feel.

2010 is going to be a great year. Yes it started on a less than wonderful note but already skies have cleared.

This year I have holidays booked both local and overseas, some of them big trips of which I am really looking forward to. I look forward to them all in fact. I love getting away and sharing the holidays with friends is the best fun ever.

What are your plans for the year? What is 2010 shaping up to be like for you?

weight for me

It's been a long stretch in between blogs so I have much of nothing to write about.
a) That man and I broke up, or rather I came home from work one day and he had packed his things and moved out not telling me is was going to happen. I was gutted and cried for a month, it was only a month ago and I still hurt like hell to be honest.
b) I took up Tennis only to have my tendonitis return and put a stop to it, buggar it all!!
c) I have rejoined Jenny Craig as I had put on all the weight I lost last year.

So now the rant...
That man well the less said the better, apparently I didnt do what he wanted all the time so that made me stubborn and I was after his money as well so he decided he had to move out without talking to me about it but still wants to remain friends and go out together occasionally. Now I dont know whether the go out together occasionally means lets hang or lets do the wild thing now and then when he feels like it and just be friends with benefits. Either way I am disinclined to do either. Why the Fek would I want to remain friends with someone who without so much as a goodbye walked away from what I thought was something fairly good? As for being after his money??? well thats laughable because I have my own and manage rather nicely and never had any intention of looking sideways at his. It was never even considered. I have dated plenty of blokes who earn less than me and it doesnt bother me, so long as they can hold their own and dont want propping up its not an issue. Ahh well time heals apparently...still sucks though and it hurt a lot having this happen but I guess there is nothing I can do about it, it was his choice to do it.
One positive is my house now stays tidy and has lost its cluttered overstuffed look and housework is a breeze.

Now to my weight....last year I lost 8kg and was doing well until I stopped the JC thing and didnt watch what I was doing and *shbang!!* there it all is back again.
SO now I am back at my weekly meeting and trying to get rid of it all again. 2kg gone in my first week but the second week has got off to a very bad start to be honest and now I am going to have to pull some serious "careful what I eat' manouvres to get back on track and have a loss this week. This is going to be hard as I have two days down in Wellington away from home this week which means I dont have my JC food on hand so will have to really be careful about what goes in the gob.
Does anyone else who reads this diet? have you had success? I need the inspiration so please share your story if you will.
And how do you mend a slight tear in the cardiovascular region? I mean its not heartbreak but its definate damage to that area.

It's Halloween

Ok I have cut out, painted and printed! All Manner of Halloween things, I have a hundred spiders and I have witches and cats, I have Bats and Pumpkins and I have two 2 metre tall zombies lurking in my backyard amoung the makeshift tomb stones and graveyard crosses. In between this I have done an assignment, done the mountain mans homework for him and done all the usual things, cooking cleaning, working etc. Now its the friday before halloween, the invites are out the guests getting their cossies ready. I have to leave work today and stop off at the supermarket and pick up all manner of partie goodies, drinks and chips, nuts and lollies, alcohol and beer, of which I might need a few tonight to fortify myself. I then have to race home and make halloween puddings and minced fingers for the buffet supper tomorrow. Lastly but certainly not leastly I have to do my housework, the place is a bloody pigsty. The males who live there are not tidy and it is showing badly. I try to keep tidy and seem to struggle along, I get the place sort of reasonable but within a day or two its trashed again. I hate that, god how I hate it. I am not a particularly tidy person myself and it takes concentrated effort to pick up after myself but my god it rips my undies when I have to blardy well run around picking up after messy males. Right now all I actually want to do is go home and climb into bed for a snooze for an hour or two.
What is it with messy people? Why cant they pick their own shit up? What do they think the fairies follow them around doing it for them already???

It's Been Too Long

Ok so its been months since I blogged. Starting back at Tech and having lectures two nights a week and of course the relationship with Mountin Man mentioned in earlier blog, I have been neglecting my blog spot. Not that anyone has actually noticed of course.
Life has been busy and traumatic with housefires and broken down cars and general ho hum of winter driving me nuts but now the sun begins to shine again.
Work is.......well work. I have neglected family and friends alike lately so what better way to catch up with them all than to do the halloween thing.
I love a good party and envisage this one being full on with skeletons and spiders and witches and ghouls hanging around. Officially this will be the start of my summer party season I guess, next will be Christmas and then New Year and I am sure I can find various other reasons to pull out the marquee and make some noise.

That Teenager who lives in my house starts his NCEA's in a months time so he is supposed to be studying but it seems he is studying girls more than school books lately ffs!!
The Mountain Man is working his way through his studies and me? I am begging for extensions on my assignments from my tutor because I have a brain that is refusing to function correctly at the moment along with a body that has gone on strike.

A List, I need to make a list. I love lists. In the weekends I make lists of what housework I need to do because being able to tick things off as I do them seems to keep me focussed.
How do other people who have terrible focus isses get by I wonder.

Anyway happy Toosday.

Expanding my Horizons

Oh me, oh my. I am contemplating expanding those horizons. I have discovered several places I can become a member of out my way including another boat club...........will this make me a traitor to my home boat club I wonder? I mean I am still going to be a member at the home ground, I just am going to join the "other one" as well, and then I could continue onto the local RSA (could find myself a rich old codger waiting to pan out maybe) and then there is the Pub up the road that I could also become a local at. Any number of opportunities in this little radius exist. However when I suggested all this to "the girlfriends" they all rolled their eyes and said it wasnt exactly expanding very far and they had further afield in mind when making such wise arsed suggestions. I honestly feel like a fisherman now , I mean how far am I supposed to lay this dragnet fgs??? I know it sounds miserable of me but really, I am quite miserable when it comes to going out. I prefer to hang with friends locally or be at home. I am not reclusive, just too blardy lazy to get the good gears on and head out too far. This is very simply because at the end of the night I have a massive trek out through the boonies to get back home and quite frankly when one has partaken or imbibed of copious amounts of alcohol (In my case that amounts to about 4 glasses. I'm a cheap drunk) navigating the way home can be trecherous
indeedy.
So in any case I have filled out my membership form for the "other" club and am now off to find a current member who will vouch for me and co-sign the form. This may take bribery on my part to convince them I am trustworthy enough to become a member.

All very proper and civilised you see...........

For those in New Zealand, I feel a Tui's add coming on!!